Dream Big

February 2nd, 2009-
I signed up with the recruitment officers today. The fear and anxiety has completely overwhelmed me. I remember wanting it so bad and it ended in heartbreak. I want this so badly but I can't give the world a concrete reason as to why. The girls seemed sweeter to both Jessica and I which is good. I am just so anxiety ridden and nervous already. Am I crazy for putting myself through this again? My little voice keeps reminding me that I have wanted this since summer and I will regret it if I don't go for it.


February 5th, 2009-


I regret watching The Bachelor that other night. I have so much empathy that I think seeing rejection on TV made me freak out. I went to the tea party today. It was OK. Jill, my good friend is rushing also and didn't hesitate to help me out at the party. The other girls weren't the typical sorority girls which was comforting. I know a lot of administrators want me to get in so that is good. I have my interview Monday and I think that will be my strong suit. All I can say is that I really want this.


February 11th, 2009-


I had my interview on Monday. I made them choke up so it went well. They sent me an e-mail asking about what it would be like to have me in their sorority. Questions about how my assistants would fit in, best way to contact me, etc. I can't help but take this as a good sign. Getting that e-mail made everything so incredibly real. It's scary when you realize this could really happen even if it is a wonderful thing. It's also scary because strong emotions are involved now (sorry, been watching the Bachelor, it's frequently what they say on the show). But seriously, I am now truly emotionally invested.


I attend the Everything Goes With Pink recruitment event tonight. It's another opportunity for the women to get to know me. As I was walking to dinner, one of the women who interviewed me greeted me with a hug and said that I would meet the national president of Phi Mu. I was quite flattered. This probably means they are talking about me and impressed by me. I am excited and curious and still a little nervous because it could still end in heartbreak. Jill, my friend is coming over to help me with last minute details so I feel confident and look great. I have a great friend in Jill.

February 13th- In a few minutes, I will find out. Yesterday's party went great. The chapter consultant said to me, we should have lunch next week and see you tomorrow. I'm pretty sure I will get recruited. When I was getting dressed this morning, I turned on the radio and I Hope You Can Dance and I thought of all of you because the montage I received on my 16th birthday was to that song. I started getting all choked up because I thought of all of you back home. I know you would want this for me if you were here. I will have a bite to eat then go to Desiree's office and find out. I DID IT...


I am a Phi Mu!!!!


I waited in line for fifteen minutes. Then Desiree opened my envelope and it said I had been invited to the new member ceremony.

I am truly proud of myself. I am thrilled. I did it. It was not a Special Education goal, it was not a therapy goal, it was MY goal. So many times people make goals for me. They are what I need but not exactly what's in my heart. This was my goal and I did it. It feels so rewarding because nobody suggested it or helped me like in the past. When I felt doubtful, I would always think, I'm going to be OK because I have you all and you make life terrific. I am so happy right now. This is a dream come true!

I hope I have inspired you to DREAM BIG! If you don't take risks then you are missing out on something great and if it does not turn out, I can be a shoulder to cry on. Go for your dreams! I will end this post with a song.

You can spend your whole life building
Something from nothin'
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway
You can chase a dream
That seems so out of reach
And you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway
God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway I do it anyway
This world's gone crazy
It's hard to believe
That tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway
You can love someone with all your heart
For all the right reasons
In a moment they can choose to walk away
Love 'em anyway
God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
Yea - I do it anyway
You can pour your soul out singin
A song you believe in
That tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway
Yea, sing it anyway
Yeah, yeah!
I sing
I dream
I love anyway
- Martina McBride


I may do a mini blog to explain everything because it's difficult to understand if you are not a Phi Mu and I don't know everything yet.

I am really happy!

Your Phi Mu,
Hannah!

A Wonderful End To 2008 Brings Hope to 2009

As I sit here in my dorm watching all the excitement in Washington, I get goose bumps. Everyone feels this INCREDIBLE wave of change coming. It is such a milestone for America. It is almost like America is graduating to a higher level of greatness. I personally respect and admire both Martin Luther King Jr. and Mr. President Elect Obama. I have a Martin Luther King Jr. poster in my room and I shiver as I look at that man today. His dream will come true tomorrow and I do not think any of us thought we would see this beautiful and monumental day. Tears have come to my eyes now as I write this. God Bless America and God Bless Mr. President Elect Barack Obama! Hallelujah!

As for me, the end of 2008 and the beautiful beginning of 2009 has been full of amazing events!

First and foremost, I want to thank my parents for a truly unforgettable Christmas gift. They flew in Katherine, my "sister" from Camp Courage. On Christmas Eve, with all of my other amazing gifts there was a big box. Really big box. I thought it was a TV which I did not really want. I like my little Toshiba, what? I saved the big box for last and David made me think it was heavy by the way he picked it up. Dad set it on my lap. I start opening it and it is a huge cardboard box. Mom opened the box for me and all it had was tissue in it and then a card from my parents that said, what would thrill Hannah this year? Low and behold...KATHERINE WAS COMING in four days. I went into the shaky, I cannot believe this happening cry! This was a dream come true. This was unbelievable. Katherine, who is practically my sister was going to be in my arms in four short days! Incredible!

And when she was in my arms, it was pure bliss! We hugged the entire car ride home! I just thought, You're here, you're here, you are here! We went to the Shedd Aquarium, saw the Brookfield lights and we TALKED! Wait, back up....I have to explain Katherine's disability first. Katherine can walk but she cannot talk-in the conventional way. BUT, she can express a whole sentence in one facial expression, she can make one noise and convey a thousand words to me. I call it Katherine lingo. She does have a device like mine to speak but it was broken. Plus, she uses mine. Katherine can use my DynaVox with such ease! Katherine is the only person on this planet that I allow to use my precious DynaVox. We had tons of private conversations in the car and on my bed when my parents made me get out of my wheelchair. I think my favorite memory was when we were home alone and she was feeding me and it just felt so right and easy. We were talking about how people don't understand how easy it is to figure us out. And, we were talking about how in our relationship she does the physical things and I, for once do the talking when we went shopping or anywhere in public. Communication can be so many things, a squeal, a scream, a look, anything! I think we often forget that communication is not necessarily e-mail, texting or talking for that matter. In the end, it is about truly connecting and understanding another human being. I am so very blessed to have Katherine in my life.

Some random short stories:

- Dad and I were getting my room settled after break. I'm telling him where everything goes and whatnot. In the middle of unpacking, I realize I forgot my clock. You see, time is everything when you're dependent on someone. I know exactly when my aide has to be there. It is security. But I didn't have that security. In fact, that security was left at home. My face goes completely pale and my dad knows as if it had happened before that were heading to Walgreens to buy an alarm clock at 10:00 at night. So, we jump into the car and half hour later I have an alarm clock. Thank the Lord!

- Oh, some of you probably want to hear about the academic stuff! In January, Elmhurst offers you the opportunity to take one class in January-like summer school but it's snowing. Spring semester starts in February. Right now, I'm taking a class called The Problem of Evil. It centers around the question, if God is all good then why is there evil? It is a pretty interesting class and I like it for the most part.

- Last but certainly not least is my visit back to Glenbrook South. It was amazing going back and seeing all the people who said, you can go to college and I got the privilege of saying, Yes I Did!

We will all wake up to a new and better America tomorrow and with that thought I say, hope for anything because it is truly a new day tomorrow.

All my Love,
Hannah!

Hannah Meets her Hero

Cedric Jennings grew up in a bad neighborhood in Washington. He went to a high need school, lived in multiple bad neighborhoods and went to Brown University. Yes. He overcame countless obstacles. While doing so, he had a author follow him around and write a book about Cedric. We had to read that book for class and it has completely inspired me.

Why am I writing about a book in my blog? Simply because I got to meet Cedric on Wednesday, November 18th. He came to our class and spoke then I had the privilege of eating lunch with him and to top it all off, I went to his lecture. He spoke about overcoming his circumstances and I was so incredibly inspired!

Little Snip Its of the day:

At the lecture, I was sitting next to Desiree, a young woman who works in Student Activities and we decided to ask him about his love life. By now, Cedric and I are buddies. So, I type in "Desiree and I were wondering about your love life". The whole lecture hall starts hysterically laughing. I mean really laughing. He answers laughing, what love life? I am bright red. It was so funny.

When Cedric autographed my book, he wrote, "You are a wonderful young woman destined for greatness". I gave him a huge hug. I could tell we both touched each other which is the goal of life, to touch others lives.

I learned that there are people who want to inspire others. I forget that there are people out there that live to break barriers and diminish stereotypes. It was a wonderful reminder!

So, it is now December! I am looking forward to seeing everyone...

This Friday is our annual Christmas party. I have been looking forward to it all year. It is one of my favorite nights out of the year!

I am simply ecstatic about visiting my high school, I cannot describe my excitement! I truly can't wait.

I get to see my therapists! They were a huge part of my left and I simply can't wait to catch up with these wonderful women

I get to see my beloved neighbors! I can't wait to catch up on "Mommy Talk". There isn't "Mommy Talk" at college.

And, I get to see my family. Not only Mom, Dad, David and Genevieve but my cousins, uncles and my Nana! So excited!

I truly could not be more excited about seeing everybody. That will truly be the best Christmas present!

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas,

Hannah!

What to do When the Elevator is out of Order

Most, no, all of you have been worried and wondering what would happen if... Well, I recently found out what I do if the elevator is out of order.

I roll into Circle Hall like a usual Wednesday morning only to find a sign on the elevator that says, "Out of Order". I am completely shocked. I call Campus Security and they don't understand the DynaVox. I'll work that out at a later date. Thankfully, a major office is about ten feet away. I tell the secretary the situation. My class meets downstairs and the elevator is out of order. She asks for the details, where is the class and whose the professor. I tell them what they need to know. Oh, and now I have the attention of three staff members. This is turning into quite the adventure as you can probably tell. So, the secretaries are calling other people feverishly because I have another class at 2:15 in the same building which is just the cherry on top. Meanwhile, one of the professors comes to visit me upstairs and makes sure I'm OK. You have to understand that this guy, Roger is one of the most caring men you will ever meet. He informs me that Dr. Fiene, the other professor will come up and talk to me.

Dr. Fiene who is also my advisor arrives in the office and says, since you cannot get to class, let's have our advising session right now. My original appointment was on Friday. Perfect solution. By the way, the class was watching a movie, that was why the professors were able to leave the classroom. Oh, let's not forget that these poor secretaries are frantically working everything out.

We sit down at the computer to look up courses and we are planning for the Spring term. I was majoring in Political Science. I looked at the courses. No! The courses all seemed dry and dull.

"I can't do this" I said. "Do what" Dr. Fiene asks. I can't major in political science! I have the I want to cry/overwhelmed look on my face. No! Not political science! I can't! "What is your passion" Dr. Fiene inquired. The first thing that came to mind was: public speaking! She opens the book to Communication courses. I look at them, there perfect! All about public speaking or effective communication. This fits my personality so well! Relief came over me instantly. I would not have to take boring history or political courses. I would take courses that would interest, challenge and show off my skill. I walked out of Circle Hall thrilled and anxious for the Spring term to begin.

I have had a few other adventures such as my wheelchair completely bonking out (ironically in Circle Hall). But, I have to share some wonderful news...

Emily Doherty, my beloved cousin got married October 11th to Jacob Thomas who was warmly welcomed into our family. Congratulations, Emily and Jacob. We wish you the best!

So, if the elevator is out of order, the thing to do is change my major!

Love,

Hannah!

Sisters and Brothers

Author's Note: Please read until the very bottom, I know it's long!

So, this weekend I rushed two sororities. I had to go to many parties and make small talk which was a huge challenge for me. I had to be on top of every question and have a darn good answer for every question. My head felt like a tilt a world because many times I would be talking to four women at once. It was utterly exhausting physically, mentally and emotionally. To show you how intense it was, I'll give you the schedule:



Thursday Night: Open House; getting to know about the sororities. Very easy and relaxed.



Friday Night: Round One: So, you line up in alphabetical order (strange but, OK), we went into a dark room (since there colors are black and red), a girl linked arms with you and you made small talk for a straight 45 minutes. Other girls would come up and make even more small talk.



Then you waited in your dorm for invitations back. I got two invitations back. So excited!



Saturday afternoon: In business casual attire, we basically did the same thing as Friday but with making crafts in support of their philanthropy. I was absolutely exhausted by the time the two parties have ended because I had to type for an hour for each sorority. I was now thinking:



- Why did I put myself through this?

- I should win an assistive technology award just for this weekend alone.

- It'll be worth it in the end



Saturday night: I am mentally preparing myself not to get into one certain sorority (the sorority I preferred) but to my surprise, I got invited back to that sorority and not the other one. Trust me, it was absolutely shocking!



Sunday Morning: I had the privilege of witnessing an extremely sacred ritual which was actually quite emotional for the women of this sorority.



12:00: I placed my bid.



2:00: I got a phone call saying that my bid was not matched. I was so upset, sad and crying.



I called Mom crying and she was sorry my heart was broken. I called Priscilla, my aide to tell her that she didn't have to come at 3:00 because I didn't have anywhere to go at 3:00 because I wasn't in a sorority. Instead, I just started crying. She came running over to comfort me.



I thought about it. She was in her pajamas and came to comfort me. That is what a sister would do. I have so many girls including Priscilla and all my new assistants: Kim, Jessica, Ashley, Cassie, Stacy, and Lindsey that would and have put down everything to come help me and I would do the same. They are loyal, kind and keep me laughing. I cannot thank them enough for all that they do. Kim is very dependable and trustworthy. Jessica is always there when I cry (she always gets the tears, don't know why). Ashley is a wonderful, funny and true friend. Priscilla is always there no matter what. Cassie is easygoing and always up for anything including a field trip with only two days notice. Stacy can laugh in the face of mishaps which is always a quality I admire. Finally, Lindsey is this outgoing and fun young woman who makes me laugh. All the ladies that help me have many beautiful qualities but I would have to write a whole other blog to brag about them fully. And, the wonderful thing is, I have these types of sisters at home and at Camp Courage. I even have these types of brothers.



I cannot publish this blog yet without mentioning one other name. Genevieve. Genevieve sees me as a big sister without any judgment or small talk. We will always be sisters and I will love you forever. That is a lifelong promise. This post is dedicated to you, Genevieve!



I did hesitate to write this post but there are going to be adventures that won't turn out in my favor and that's simply life!



Love,

Hannah!



P.S. David...you'll get your own post also! Don't worry!



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DISCLAIMER: I do not resent the sororities for their decision or the college. This blog is simply a way of communicating with family and friends from home.
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READER'S REMINDER: If you want to be part of an upcoming posting, please remember to jot down ELEVEN things you are grateful for. See previous post for details.
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What We're All Grateful For

These are the people who responded to my September 11th blog. They created a list of 11 things there grateful for.



The first person who wrote a list for this post is Mary or Mrs. Trask. She was my 6th grade teacher and was my math tutor all the way through sophomore year of high school. She now lives in Michigan with her husband, Garth and son, Gabriel.


1. I am thankful for my loving husband, Garth
2. and my adorable & fun son Gabriel
3. and my tough-as-nails dad
4. I am thankful for my faith which helps me though most tough times
5. and my friends, who are always there to listen
6. I am thankful for my past (which includes hoffman...and you of course)
7. and my future here in Michigan
8. which includes Saturdays of Notre Dame football, which I love
9. hikes on the beach, which I love too
10. days in the park with Gabe...nothing is better
11. and most of all I am thankful for people like you, who are inspirational to the rest of us who really have it easy

Thanks, Ms. Wendell or Mrs. Trask!


The second person who sent me their list is Lisa. My mom and her are really good friends. She has always called me her neighbor and I have always called her my neighbor even though we live miles apart. I don't know how it began. Here is her list:

Regarding September 11th:

"I had a few moments that were difficult yesterday. Being so close to all of it left quite a mark..."


1. My soul-mate husband, Phil
2. My amazing son, Sal
3. My amazing son, Rudy
4. Our simple home
5. My inspirational mother
6. My sisters, Terrie and Gina
7. My very large, very opinionated but supportive Italian family
8. My fantastic circle of friends
9. Restored hope
10. Music, moonlight, oceans
11. The arts and their impact

The next list is from Jessi. Jessi has been my friend for YEARS! She has Cerebral Palsy. She goes to Oakton and just got her very first apartment! I am very proud of her. Here is her list:


1. My mom, she is a wonderful person and a great advocate.
2. My Dad he is a great helper and always willing to have fun.
3. Brian, my brother he always makes me laugh.
4. Junior, my dog he is truly mans best friend.
5. My St. Louis family, you are always there for me.
6. My friends and helpers from my old and new life wouldn’t be the same without you.
7. My wheelchair, it helps me get around to the best of my ability.
8. The people at Oakton, they treat me as if I don’t have a disability
9. My ability to dance, it makes me happy.
10. My grandparents, they are so loving.
11. My new apartment it is my dream come true.
12. All of the people who I have met over the years that have helped improve my life friends, family, teachers and therapists

Wow! Jessi had 12 things on her list! Awesome!

The next person is Lauren. She is my 26 year old cousin and she is grateful for one thing:

"This holiday season I am grateful for my job of five years. With all the people in the US losing jobs, cars, homes & the ability to live their lives as they used to, I find myself humbled with the job I have & the company I work for."

No kidding, Lauren!



The next person on my list is Nicole. She is from South Africa and spent the summer at my favorite place...CAMP COURAGE!!! Nicole was one of my counselors in my cabin and we became very good friends.

Well, even though we dont celebrate Thanksgiving in my corner of the planet, I'd be happy to help you. We should all grateful for something in our lives, and these are my top 11 (in no particular order):



1) Im grateful for that 'clickey' thing that happens in your brain when you're trying to remember lyrics to a song, and finally do.
2) Im grateful that God created me in his image, so I expect great things out of me.
3) Im grateful for clouds, I still have not come across anything so constantly changing and beautiful as a cloud.
4) Im grateful for every person brought into my life. We all have a lasting effect on each other, no matter how brief the acquaintance.
5) Im grateful for my country, for being what it was and turning into what it is now.
6) Im grateful for my family, no explanation could come close to explaining why.
7) Im grateful for the postal service, nothing beats getting a crisp, stamped letter in the post addressed especially to you.
8) Im grateful for good intentions, people may not say or do exactly what you wish them too, but its the effort of them trying that makes you feel good.
9) Im grateful for ice cream, its cold, but fills you with warm fuzzy feelings.
10) Im grateful for regret, if you have one you really cant stand living with any more.
11) Im grateful for music, happy or sad, it always fits.

Thanks Nicole!


My brother's list was:

1. Medicine
2. Sports
3. Rules
4. America
5. Religion
6. Imagination
7. Family get togethers
8. Music
9. Computers
10. Dynavoxs...Me too, David!
11. Humor


What a mature list!



Here is my mom's list:



1. My children's smile
2. My health
3. My family's health
4. Warm sunshine
5. Raspberries
6. Dear old friends
7. My husband
8. A great father for my kids
9. Spring Green (our cabin in Wisconsin)
10. My parents
11. Wheelchairs

Thank you, Mom!



The point of having you all write in was to really highlight the point that yes, were different, we all have very different lives and ideas but if you take a careful look at our similarities, you will notice that we all said at least one thing on another person's list. My brother and Nicole are both grateful for music. How different can they be? One is a young woman from South Africa and the other is an American middle schooler and baseball player. Family was on EVERYBODY'S list! Wives were grateful for their husbands. Parents were grateful for their children. See, we are very different but at the end of the day, I think it is more useful to look at the similarities and realize that were all human at the end of the day. Just a thought.


During the middle of this week, I will send out another blog about the adventures I am having at college. For now, Happy Thanksgiving!

Eleven Things I'm Grateful For

I have been thinking long and hard about this particular post. I didn't want it to be sad or melancholy, I simply wanted to make it as positive as possible.

Today is obviously September 11th, it marks a day when America came together after a unbelievable tragedy. I have decided to list 11 things I'm grateful for that people may not have anymore because of September 11h.

1. My dad. I'm so glad he's my dad and that he is able to go to work.
2. My mom. She's simply incredible.
3. David. He's perfect.
4. Genevieve. She's perfect.
5. Justin. He's a soldier I know whose fighting in Iraq, what would America be without people willing to fight for our freedom?
6. Elmhurst. I'm getting a great education.
7. My friends. Old and new.
8. My assistants (old and new). They make my day at school physically possible and their great human beings in general.
9. Glenbrook South. So many lessons and memories!
10. My body. It may be disabled however, it serves me to the best of it's abilities.
11. You. You have touched me in some way or another and I thank you for that.

If you want to send me the eleven things you're grateful for, I would make my next post all of your lists. Just a thought!

Update on college life:

I'm happy to say that things are going very well. I have had scares such as my wheelchair almost losing power while being independent on campus. I have made mistakes such as telling one aide not to come and truly thinking that another aide is supposed to come when she isn't. Yea, that was fun. While things have gone wrong, things have gone extremely right. I turned in a paper and the professor wants to keep it in her files and show it to other teachers. That was a feel good. I have a student in Psychology class who is more than willing to take notes which is a complete relief!

Well, I do miss you guys but this place is becoming home. They love me here and I love them.

XOXO,
Hannah!