Getting Inside My Head

First of all, my month was MUCH better. My wheelchair did not break, got my new computer, and everything else worked. I've been thanking God for that. One other thing (and I have many things) that I am thankful for in prayer is for thoughtful people in my life. And this is where my story for the month begins.

One of my assistants after much thought had to leave for the semester. I can only imagine what it must take to leave when a job has such a dependent nature. I really respect her for her decision. However, that did not make it easier on me. Eventually, I had to ask assistants to go above and beyond their call of duty which I do not like. Who is to blame? Nobody. It's the situation that will be a significant factor throughout my life. So, I did what I do when I need people. I prayed. I prayed for women to come into my life. In these prayers, I always say, if you bring them into my life, God, I will teach, inspire these people because I know they will reciprocate by their love and support. That is how my life works. With this comes instability.

I know when I say "instability", you think about possibly a broken family or something of that nature. Instability in my life happens when an assistant leaves me. I will admit to it being a somewhat rare occurrence but I always know it is a possibility. Because of this, I like a very rigid routine, familiar surroundings, same style of clothes, same genre of movies and music and the list goes on and on. I like knowing everything I can about the day, week, or month. Some people find this odd and I don't blame them. However, they don't have that voice in their heads saying, "she could leave". I know I am in the drivers seat of life and that will never change, however, I have to recognize the possibility. This particular story ends very well. A former assistant of mine had to leave in January because she was going to have a baby. When she saw my Facebook status saying that I needed assistants, she wanted to come back. I absolutely rejoiced in the fact that Mom and I did not have to train her, she could just jump back on!

Now that I have told you my story for the month, I have some anecdote...

At the homecoming formal, my assistant brought her boyfriend. It took me about one minute to realize what a gentleman he is. He put my assistant and I first the whole night. One of the most memorable moments was when he asked me to slow dance. He was being polite in asking and I appreciated it. He had been a counselor at a camp for people with disabilities so he felt comfortable taking me out of my wheelchair which was awesome. I can't really stand without my orthotics so he had to lift me. So, were dancing and my assistant is taking pictures and everybody who saw us was going how cute! Throughout the dance, he kept "heaving" me up like you would a toddler. Well, whenever I went up so did that dress! In the middle of the song, I give my assistant the "oh my God" look. It took her about a second to realize that this cute moment was quickly becoming a really inappropriate scene. She starts pulling the dress down and we safely got me in my chair without many people noticing! They apologized profusely but I was like hey, makes for a great story!

That night was Phi Mu's Halloween party. A sorority sister and I were talking about how excited we were and she starts asking me about my disability. She had some appropriate questions and I happily answered them. I will not disclose what we said because if you have a question, facebook, e-mail, or just talking works for me. Anyway, at the end of the conversation, she admitted to never asking because I was "just Hannah" to her. To me, that is like saying I love you times one million. It means you love me and you will take the junk that comes with. However, actions speak louder than words. That night, my friends especially the guys danced with me like they would any other girl. It was this rush of normalcy that I am usually deprived of. The dancing was wonderful but what was most exciting was the respect they showed me. That gave me confidence that I was portraying myself the way I wanted to which is so important in this day and age.

Before I wrap up, I have academic news to deliver. I had asked my advisor about an independent study. I wanted her to approve it immensely and also be the faculty advisor for the study. Her exact words were, I wasn't going to say yes but it's such a good idea that I have to say yes. I'm guessing that does not happen very often. My idea? It will be in the January 2011 post or, of course just ask me about it! In addition to that, I picked up an intercultural studies minor which is exciting! Oh, and a long, long time ago I mentioned a secret project I'm doing with Roger, a faculty member here, that is underway! I don't want to announce it in the blog until I know every detail. Of course, if you're super curious, just ask!

After getting inside my head and seeing which thoughts are important to me, now, I must pose the question: who do you need to hear the thoughts of? Your spouse? Your child? Your friend? Your sibling? Think about it!

Signing off as,
Just Hannah!

P.S. Happy Halloween!