Hope and Faith

Hope is the parent of faith. -Cyrus A. Bartol

My automatic door broke.
My computer broke.
My wheelchair broke.
My parents got me a new computer.
It is not compatible with my adaptive keyboard.
My wheelchair broke again.
My joystick fell off.

As you can see, it has not been an easy month whatsoever. Life has really been testing me to say the very least.

When my automatic door broke, it was move in day. I could not get in and out of my room independently. Due to this, I had to be a commuter student the first two days of school. My parents were incredible at having a positive attitude towards getting me to Elmhurst before 9:30 for two days.

My computer does have many issues at the moment. We bought a new one after calling all my special software companies besides my keyboard company, Intellikeys. It will not be compatible with the new laptop until 2011, and no, they did not give us an exact date. We are working on downgrading the new laptop so it is compatible with my keyboard.

My wheelchair broke the first Friday night of school. The back of the seat had tilted back permanently. Although I knew it was a quick fix my dad could do, it still was incredibly annoying.

I was standing up in my wheelchair. When I sat back down, the chair decided to go as slow as molasses. No joke. It literally took me 15 minutes to get across the parking lot when it usually takes me 2 minutes! Just to emphasize how bad it was, nobody joked with me about it. See, it's one of my trademarks on campus that I am always speeding and leaving my assistants in the dust. It's become a part of my personality. I am always on the move, never stopping, I like it that way. Not any other way!

Finally, my joystick fell off. This is actually kind of humorous. I had gone to use the restroom, sat back down, and there goes my joystick. Clean break. No reason as to why. It was like a sitcom.

While this all was happening (or breaking, you can choose which word is more appropriate), Phi Mu was in the middle of recruitment. Recruitment is difficult for me. It is an extraordinary amount of time and I have to reschedule when my assistants come. It is quite taxing on me but totally seems worth it when we get the new girls. And may I say we got 22 fantastic women!

During this difficult month, I have turned to faith in the Lord. I remember praying one night and saying, you must be putting me through this for a really good reason. Usually, after a rough patch in my life, God puts a wonderful person in my life that reminds me, yes, tangible things broke but it's the people in your life that make life good and happy. I kept reminding myself, all the people I love are healthy and happy. That is what really matters. People. I wrote a poem in all of the chaos.

He Listens

I listen to Him.
He listens to me
The door cannot be opened.
He gives me a house.
A machine does not work.
He gives me people who have knowledge.
My tangible companion breaks.
He gives me a repair man.
I start getting down.
He brings people to give me hope.
I complain about being busy.
He reminds me that at one point I did not have a social calendar.
I get frustrated with family.
He lets me hear of a broken family.
I get impatient.
He gives me more people to teach.
I don’t feel heard.
He brings people that need to be listened to much more than me.
He listens to me.
I listen to Him.

I hope you get something out of this poem.

Now, you're probably wondering, did all her technology get fixed? Between my dad and faithful wheelchair repair man, I am sitting upright and have a joystick attached to my chair not using any duct tape. My computer will be fixed soon due to the efforts of one incredible tech guy at my wonderful college and my hard working mom. And yes, I am speedy Gonzalez once again! Due to this month's never-ending difficulties, I really did appreciate the small stuff.

During recruitment, we talked a lot about sisterhood. My "sisterhood moment" during recruitment was when the recruitment chair, Christina was passing out name tags. She was calling out names, instead of saying, "Hannah", she said, "somebody put this on Hannah" She thought ahead. Even though, she had a million and one things to think about, she didn't forget to think of what was easiest for me.

Another experience was truly awesome. I was invited to go to a dinner about interfaith and it was extremely formal, etc. A few days before this dinner, I realized my assistant couldn't come until an hour into the dinner. I had come to terms with this and told the hostess about the situation. When I sat down, I had two students on both sides. I made it known that my assistant was coming in an hour so nobody would feel awkward. The two girls would have nothing to do with that idea. They fed me the entire dinner! They just would not have me go without eating and I rejoiced privately in the good of humanity at that moment. The really good part is next! I found out that one of my girls (my assistants) cannot continue to work with me this semester. I am terribly sad and so is she about the situation. However, I have to find more girls due to this. Guess who I asked? Yup, the two girls at dinner! One of them will do dinner on Mondays and the other is thinking about next semester. See! I told you God is watching out for me.

Even in the most frustrating times, I choose to see hope. A significant part of that is thinking of you, my dear readers. I know you know me to be positive in the darkest circumstances and I always will because as long as I have an audience who cares, I will perform to the best of my ability.

Have Hope and Faith,
Hannah!

The Value of Appreciation

I fell in love with the resort right away! It had the grand staircase and everything looked so elegant. The resort was in San Diego and we were on a family vacation to San Diego and L.A. Here are my highlights...

Throughout my experience at the Loews resort, the staff never babied me. My parents let me go through the resort independently and the staff never blinked an eye. I didn't realize it then but I look back and I really appreciate how they saw me.

My assistant from school, Valerie lives in San Diego. You bet we got together! First, she took me to her house which was so cool-to really see her in her element. I think people shine the most when they are in their element and she sure did! My parents invited her to go jet skiing with our family and she took Genevieve jet skiing. It was fun to see my family see why I appreciated Valerie at school. I know I don't usually talk about food but Valerie introduced me to Carne Asada which is fries, cheese, guacamole and sour cream. Oh my God! It was so good! I mean it's a heart attack on a plate but unbelievably good.

While we were touring L.A., we went to both Warner Brothers and Universal studios. We got a private tour of the WB because I could not get on the bus which did not bother me at all. Before I go on, I should tell you that the show Gilmore Girls got me through high school in a way. The main character was a lot like me and I loved the wit used in the show. I actually got to be on the set of Gilmore Girls. I stood in front of the house and other landmarks in the show. I know this sounds cheesy but it was like coming to thank the show for getting me through a tough four years. And I cannot tell ya how glad I am that high school is OVER! For those of you who are still in high school, hold your head high and know that you are probably going to kick ass in college. It goes without saying that our tour guide stepped up and gave us a stellar tour, we really appreciated it!

I must tell this very interesting story before I go on. We went to Universal studios and obviously we have to do things the way disabled guests use which I do not mind. My family loves me for shorter lines at amusement parks! And, even though I'm 20 I still LOVE going up to the characters and they love girls in wheelchairs. So, throughout the day you pretty much see the same people who need special assistance at the park. My family and I had waited in line with a woman in a rental wheelchair and we all believed she was disabled. Until lunch. My dad sat down first and saw the woman get up and run around to help her kids. She was not disabled! At all. My family and I just kept staring. I wanted to say so many, many things. Oh....the things I wanted to say. My dad and siblings all just kept staring as if to say, we know what you're doing and it is horrendous. My mom gave her the "you should be ashamed" nod. This nod is awful and my dad still remembers the ONE time he got it. I still haven't gotten it and I never want to! We didn't confront them but we are sure that family knew that they were faking it and I hope it ruined their day.

I so appreciate my mother for planning vacations. She works hard all year to make this week perfect and it always is a blast!

When I got back from vacation, my cell phone broke. I smashed it up against my desk. I had a razor which worked well for me and my needs. That night, we got a Nokia phone. I was unhappy because it didn't seem like my phone. I didn't trust it which I know is weird to say but I know what my fingers are going to be comfortable using and this wasn't it. I looked online for a Razr. I found a Razr quickly which was great. However, I need a sturdy case because of how it attaches to my chair. Well, of course I found a case that looked identical to my old one. It wasn't. This case swivels. And swivels, and swivels and swivels! This is not good for someone who needs to have her phone as stable as humanly possible. When I realized this was a problem that my parents could not fix, I started crying. I couldn't use MY phone! All I kept thinking was: everybody else can just pick up a damn phone! Everyone else had a cool touch screen phone! I was so frustrated with the situation! I realize I don't say, "Everyone else can..." a lot but after waiting for a phone for 9 days and not having it work is extremely frustrating! I scoured the internet looking for just the right case and I found it! Hallelujah! I am up and running…16 days later!

All summer, I have been working at a place called Pathways. Pathways is my therapy clinic at home. When I work there, I work with DynaVox users and motivate them to use it as much as I do. This has turned into a highlight of my week. I also work with an young man on conversation skills which is very rewarding. Finally, I write for the newsletter. I interview clients and staff about what they do. This whole experience is quite rewarding. I appreciate them giving me work experience and will miss them. Thursday was my last day and now it’s time to go back to Elmhurst!

For me, this consists of Mom and me working out a schedule for the semester for my assistants. It can be incredibly stressful because everybody has a preferred day and it gets incredibly complicated. We are missing some times but we always find the right people and make it work.

The most nerve wracking aspect about going back to school is the anticipated stress. Things get extremely stressful and I know it's going to happen. For example, when my parents came to pick me up to bring me home last year, I was literally exhausted. I was crying, sweating and I needed Mom and Dad. However, I did visit campus with my assistant Valerie and seeing those people reminded me of how exhilarating it is to go at that pace and live my own life.

I couldn't do what I do without appreciation. I appreciate the people who tirelessly support me in my dreams. However, this whole thing would not work if I didn't appreciate myself. I find that if I take 30 seconds to reflect on what I did that day and how it fits into the big picture, I go about the rest of my day with a new energy and happier. If I didn't appreciate myself, I wouldn't have a smile on my face all the time, wouldn't be able to change the energy in a room and would not be as happy. I feel like society-women especially are told to appreciate what they have. First of all, let's charge what to whom. Appreciating who you have in your life is so much more worth our priceless time that we have so little of. In retrospect, we don't have much time on God's earth, make an effort to appreciate yourself so the world can see the best YOU possible! I know that’s my plan for junior year, who knows where the value of appreciation will take me!

Hitting The Books,

Hannah!

Best Of Both Worlds

We rode past my favorite gate in the world! The Camp Courage gate! Nothing like it. Absolutely nothing. Before we got there, I offered to register myself instead of having my dad stay like my mom does. He appreciated the gesture and I appreciated the independence. I hugged Dad good-bye after meeting Whitney who greeted us. Instinctively, I headed down the paved road to the first step of registering which was picture taking. However, after five years of going this was a chance to unite with my friend, Donny. After hugging and saying, we would talk later, I went to my cabin.

I saw that amazing woman and ran into her arms. Kate, my counselor from last year was my Cabin Leader this year. I waited a full year to see her. We said our hellos and she had to do the formal camper interview. It was pretty comical because she knows everything about me and what I need at Camp. After that, I went to see the nurse. I told her when I took my medication and that I basically needed nothing else. Registering myself was like being under a waterfall of independence!

It wasn't seconds later that Katherine and I were together celebrating the fact that we were indeed there-at Camp Courage! After having a counselor named Jenny unpack me which is something that Mom usually does, Katherine and I headed over to the Camp store. In past years, the store has been about the size of a large storage closet. Not this year! This year, it was this big room of every possible type of camp gear imaginable! I'm not going to lie, I was in heaven. I love wearing a Camp shirt every now and then to remind myself of how I feel up in Maple Lake, Minnesota.

Katherine and I had to have dinner outside instead of the dining hall because of her sensitivity to noise which didn't bother me a bit. It was picturesque outside. Kate, our counselor from last year introduced us to her best friend from outside of school who was Cate. They had met at school and Kate got Cate to work at Camp. Cate had been assigned to us for meals and throughout the week, you bet we got attached! She understood the dynamic between Katherine and me. The dynamic always is: giving all we can of each other so both of us has a great week.

The first full day of Camp, Lauren, my cousin, her husband, Scott and a slew of other people willing to volunteer came. I was a happy camper! The volunteers jumped in quickly! Two of them helped with fishing, two of them helped with culinary activities and Lauren and two other volunteers helped with crafts. It gave me so much joy to see "normal, everyday" people jump into the disability world so quickly and without hesitation. They learn that people with disabilities can do crafts, swim, paint and everything else that others can.

The volunteers especially learned that people with disabilities can horseback ride! Campers always have the opportunity to horseback ride. Lauren, my cousin took me on the horse this year. It is an experience of insurmountable joy! You’re riding this gorgeous animal and they train this creature to carry you. At Camp Courage, they train the horses to be extremely gentle. See, due to my movement disorders, I will kick the horse but Cassie, my beloved horse could care less and we have a magnificent ride with a clear blue sky over our heads!

Whitney, Jenny, Aaron, Quinn, Cate and Kate gave me an incredible week at Camp Courage! It is how I rejuvenate my soul and part of the reason why I succeed in life. If I didn't have a place to rejuvenate, I don't think I would be doing as well at Elmhurst. There is something about knowing there is a place where everyone accepts everyone and everything is ready for you. I expressed my feelings at Camp Courage, I encourage you to watch the video Camp Courage posted:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PD9PF1CQKoE

I apologize for it being sideways!

Anyway, after Camp, I headed to Lauren’s house because I was going to Keith’s birthday party which was incredible! I learned something from Lauren and Scott that I will never forget. As soon as I got situated on their couch, Scott said that they had a black and white photo of us at Camp Courage. I’m thinking, that was fast to have them developed! It was not a picture. IT WAS A SONOGRAM! I started crying and shaking. They were going to have a baby! This was the best news ever! I kept looking around the room. We all had gotten new parts to play in life. My mom was going to be a great aunt, my aunt Sue a grandma, my Nana a great grandma, and the list goes on and on. This news literally made my entire year! Little did I know another surprise was around the corner.

I had already had a phenomenal week back from Camp. Susan, my assistant from high school took me to the Abilities Expo which is a three day event where vendors that sell anything from wheelchairs to adaptive bikes are there. Then, my best friend Jessi invited me over to her house, then Shanah, my former assistant was coming over Friday to take me out. I was going to have a great week. It was impossible to believe that my week could get better! It sure did! My friend from South Africa had said I'm coming to Chicago to visit. I was excited at the idea but didn't really expect it to happen. She and I met at Camp. She was a counselor and I of course, get attached to the ones who live farthest away! Just the way it is. That Sunday night, I get a Facebook message saying, we're coming! Oh my God. I was like a kid right before Christmas! I didn't expect this to actually happen.

Nicole, Joe and Phil all get out of the car and I am on cloud nine. Three amazingly genuine friends are at my house. Nicole is the one from South Africa who oftentimes gives me advice on how to weave my way through womanhood. Joe is her boyfriend that she met at Camp Courage, he's incredible. And Phil was a counselor in 2008 and he is one of the coolest guys I have ever met. They were all sitting at my kitchen table! Facebook connects us however, having the three of them at my house was a dream come true. You just don't get that lucky! After being at my house, they offered to take me to Ben and Jerry's! It was the cherry on the sundae!

One of the many people who combines my two worlds is my assistant, Valerie. She is helping me around the house this summer. It has been a wonderful attribute for the entire family. Mornings are less rushed; I can take time to do my own thing which is priceless. Mom and Dad have both said they like the arrangement which is so good. They were skeptical at first but I can tell this is a good thing for the Thompson household. Valerie has taken me to friend’s houses and her company is amazing! Additionally, I must say that David and Genevieve are helping out a lot! In past years, my parents had to ask, now, it’s with the attitude of she is my sister and I should help her. Maturity…what a wonderful thing!

Oftentimes, I feel like I have to pick between two worlds which can be burdensome. It is weeks like this that remind me I truly have the best of both worlds. In the disability world, I am readily accepted for who I am. I know the world very well and in turn, it has brought me so many gifts-tangible and non tangible. In the able bodied world, I have to prove myself, I face daily struggles but I see the best in people. When I do prove myself or teach someone about myself, I feel like I own the world, and may on occasion do a happy dance afterward. And when I overcome a struggle, I feel incredibly empowered. The two worlds offer me different things and because of the way God created me, I have the best of both worlds!

Love,

Hannah

Inspirations

Here it is! My first June post! Your voices were heard.

I recently heard a saying: have a healthy disregard for the impossible! Frankly, I have to say that I try to embody those words on a daily basis. You're probably wondering where I learned that phrase. It was at LeaderShape. It is a six day leadership conference. It was all about personal development and being a leader. We had small group time, lectures and family cluster time. Your family cluster was a group of eleven people who you opened up to about your life. This group really got to know me. I will talk about the struggles and triumphs of each day.

Day One (Arrival): This day for me was about getting comfortable in my new surroundings. It is not easy to go to a place I don't know at all because I like to know what is coming and I didn't. However, when I saw my assistant Kim and the friendly staff I was at ease. The day consisted of ice breakers.

Day Two (Advocating): The morning of day two was exciting! We had a ropes course to complete. The vacillator of my group was Hayden. Hayden had a career in special recreation so I am thinking IT IS GO TIME!!! This guy knows the score. When I first talked to Hayden, I purposely acted coy, I said, "I hope I can do all of it" when in reality I'm thinking, I plan on kicking ass! So, we get to the ropes course and two ropes were tied to trees like horizontal parallel lines. You could either go under, across, or over these ropes. I volunteered to go across. Everyone was surprised when I volunteered (I loved it)! However, when Kim got me out of that chair and handed me over, everyone relaxed and saw me truly to be one of them. I successfully got through the ropes. I really felt a sense of humanity and complete acceptance. It felt good on my end to be physically dependent on my peers for the first time in my life.

The afternoon of day two I realized I was exhausted from back to back activities. See, when I am at school, I plan breaks during the day so I keep my energy up. There were no breaks except for twenty minutes here and there and to a disabled person, that isn't even enough time to get to a place where you could relax. It was a problem. I spoke to the director, Laura who is from Elmhurst College, and said, look I am already tired and by Sunday I will be a wreck if I don't have extended breaks. She understood, and we worked out extended breaks.

Day Three (The Vision): The whole point of LeaderShape was to have a vision of how to change the world. My vision was to become a motivational speaker and inspire people to "do their impossible". I know my story is meant to inspire people and I have to be the one to deliver it. This is one of my dream jobs along with Courage.

Day Four (The Switch): Kim and Megan switched on day four. I did have to put my "employer cap" on. I needed to make sure the switch went smoothly and Megan was comfortable. I had Kim talk to her about everything. I must admit that Kim handed over a somewhat cranky and tired girl because of the ongoing activities!

Day Five (Pure Heart): At the end of day five, my family cluster shared what we thought of each other. We had had extremely emotional talks, difficult topics to discuss and a lot of other bonding experiences. Our facilitator, Kevin who is the co-chaplain on campus was incredible with me and the group! I have always wanted to have a closer relationship with Kevin and I definitely got it. By day three, he didn't blink at the thought of feeding me. It is always a tremendous feeling for me to have a person who isn't "trained" to just give me a bite of something. It's breaking a barrier and two or three people chose to break that barrier and I am so thankful to that. Anyway, when we were going around the circle and sharing what we thought of each other and the general consensus was that they all wanted to be like me. All my life, I heard and felt the need to fit in because I wanted to be accepted. This was the exact opposite. They wanted to be like me. That moment was life changing. Over the course of that week, I was told numerous times that I was an inspiration. It was such a terrific feeling and everybody who truly saw me and they way I choose to live my life is a blessing to me and gave me energy that week.

Day Six (Lets Get Emotional): I was mentally and physically exhausted by the last day. All I could do was cry. Literally. I was a crying fool! Megan had to ask the staff if I could miss the last activity because I was such a wreck. Megan did what was best for me and I think that shows a deep level of compassion and understanding.

I have to thank the LeaderShape staff, they really did work with me and I have a lot of respect for that. Also, Laura was amazing from the time I needed encouragement to attend LeaderShape to the tears at the end! She is a compassionate soul!

After LeaderShape, real life kicked in and I unfortunately got a back brace. Most people who know me know I do not complain but this just ticked me off. Senior year of high school, my doctors and therapists didn't necessarily encourage the back brace so I really thought I'm done with back braces. It came back up when my mother wanted to prevent my scoliosis from getting worse which I love her for but the idea frustrated the heck out of me.

I've had my time to complain and cry about it. I'm moving on. I realized I touch a lot of people via this blog while having to deal with the back brace. I am asking you to commit yourself to do something for your wellness. It can be anything from taking your dog out more frequently to running six miles a day. How will I know? I've created a Facebook group for this. It's about turning lemons into lemonade. Why not straighten my spine while other people do something healthy also? Again, this could be anything. It just has to benefit your physical, emotional, or spiritual health. Please do this! It is truly for your own good!

By clicking this link, you can go to our page: http://www.facebook.com/groups/create.php?customize&gid=128073717225972#!/group.php?gid=128073717225972

If you are not on Facebook, you can either drop me a short e-mail or comment on my blog and I will write your goals on OUR Facebook page. Let's be an inspiration!

Just you guys writing on that wall will make wearing the brace easier! Lets all be inspirations!

All My Summertime Love,

Hannah!