I was all dressed up for a wonderful night of dancing and laughter. Phi Mu was having a Valentine's Day party at a local restaurant. I was so excited for a night with my sisters and to top it off, my new assistant who I already adored was coming. We had rode the bus there and were all going in the restaurant. There was a tiny little bump before the door, thinking nothing of it, I went straight ahead. I heard the bottom of my wheelchair hit the bump and then...click...my chair was dead. I knew it was the same problem as I had last month, my power source that is usually lit up was a horrendous dark gray. Needless to say, I was frustrated and disappointed. The first thing I said was, I still have to dance!
After about a half hour of looking for the switch, Annie, my assistant and I decided to stay positive and have fun. Annie got me on that dance floor and I used my fabulous body to dance instead of my wheels. We both subconsciously knew that telling people would be a downer so Annie acted as my joystick. At the end of the night, my DynaVox went dead which was inevitable since my wheelchair powers it. I did get a little frustrated but Annie made me an ABC page and I just thanked God it happened at the end of the night not the beginning.
My dad came with the replacement chair the very next morning. I had the freedom to move about but "conveniences" on my chair due to my independent lifestyle were gone. I don't like calling these next two things conveniences because able bodied people take them for granted much more than I do. The button that opens my door couldn't be transferred so we had to tape a garage door opener to my chair. Also, since the battery life on my DynaVox is incredibly short, I have a battery charger attached to my wheelchair; my replacement didn't have that which was incredibly frustrating. I was appropriately frustrated and irritated that week but I always reminded myself I never stopped dancing that initial night so I'm not going to stop "dancing" this week. Before I go on, I would like to point out that Aaron did send me yellow roses during my frustrating week and that made me quite happy.
I have had people disappoint me too.
I'll say it. I have had a crush on this guy for a long time. I mean, I really like this guy. When I like a guy, usually, it's me saying, he is cute, he is friendly, etc. This was different. I didn't really tell anybody which in my case usually means I really like this guy. I know, it's backwards. I finally asked him out to coffee. He excitedly agreed. We exchanged numbers. I waited for his call. He calls me and we setup a time. I am so excited. This guy is the whole package, he knows about disabilities, is Catholic, handsome and as I found out willing to help me to an extreme degree. We had coffee. It all changed. He was judgmental, self-centered, and very disappointing. I was insulted and felt judged. You know, judging me on my appearance is one thing but judging me on my values is hurtful. He also made it painfully clear that we would not date. I did not even ask if he was interested, he apparently felt the need to make that clear which just makes him a jerk. I was hurt. So much that I started crying on the way back, I started crying extremely hard. My neighbors all showed so much concern that they talked to me for a really long time and eventually my girlfriends came over and took me to a concert on campus. They told Annie to meet us there. Annie was going to get yet even more drama! I am the farthest away from composed. I am just crying. Meanwhile, Annie shows up and my girlfriends tell her why I'm a mess. Annie starts to feed me while the band started. I'm crying on and off. Well, the band was playing love songs which made me cry. Finally, Annie was like we have to go, this is torture. We go back and I start getting composed. My friends eventually came to my dorm with ice cream which helped. That was my second cup of ice cream that night (anybody blame me?). We put Glee on and it was the episode where they sang Lean On Me. Annie looked at me as if to say, hope you're connecting the message and I was.
I was still a little down when I went to bed but I knew I had friends who cared which is so important. I concluded that I have to unlearn everything that my peers taught me in high school. I learned that I was alone in high school and I could not rely on anybody my age to understand me. Now, it's reversed and also the way things should be.
Throughout this difficult month, I always kept my head up and I kept dancing because of my wicked inner strength or because of my amazing friends.
Keep Dancing,
Hannah!
P.S. Today is my mom's birthday, in honor this post is dedicated to her.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
People That Have our Backs
It's been an interesting start to my year. Not necessarily bad but just really interesting. I'll start off with Mom dropping me off for J-term.
It didn't bother me that I was back at Elmhurst. I was actually quite nervous about starting class. See, I knew from the title-Virtual Travel in Germany that it would involve being on the computer. I have my laptop perfectly set up in my dorm and I didn't want to move it every day. So, I had the idea of partnering up with someone in class but I didn't know if the professor would let me which made me nervous. Also, I e-mail professors beforehand and explaining my disability and I find that it opens up dialogue so the professor can ask "uncomfortable" questions about my situation. The e-mails didn't sound promising which made me even more nervous. I mean, I was not looking forward to the next day which is unusual for me.
I am walking to class and I see an older gentleman heading into the classroom. He's the professor. Now, I am not ageist however, I find that older people cannot understand me as well. But he did know how to use e-mail and Black Board which is an online classroom. It comes in handy with me needing most papers scanned into my computer. Have an open mind, Hannah, I thought to myself. After that I roll into the classroom and I immediately scan for people I know...nobody...nobody...Coley! Coley is my sorority sister and someone I want to get to know. She makes room for me next to her. A little relief calms my body. I knew Coley understood my situation entirely. She completely stepped up and has been my lab partner ever since.
The class hasn't been easy. There is a four page assignment given out everyday which takes me approximately three hours and then a travel journal that takes one hour to complete. It's definitely been the most challenging class yet but I am getting A's on my quizzes which are everyday. As for the professor, I see him trying to understand and he does give me all the accommodations I need and for that I am grateful. Still, I am bothered by the fact that I can't really make him understand why I need things done a certain way. Needless to say, I was so grateful for Phi Mu and especially Coley. She has just been a life saver. This is what I wanted out of a sorority and being in the Greek community. Somebody always has your back. I know almost all of my note takers have been Greek and they don't necessarily have my letters but were there for each other. Speaking of having your back...
I have to confess that my wheelchair has been behaving badly. Real bad.
My physical therapist and I were walking back from the gym and the wheelchair goes completely dead. In the middle of the street. I mean the exact middle of the street. Are you kidding me? Really? I start laughing. You got to be kidding me! My therapist asks if this is ever happened before. No. No, Celine, it hasn't. My wheelchair has NEVER gone completely dead before. And I remind you, it's about oh, 20 degrees out so we're both freezing. Celine puts the chair in manual and starts pushing me towards my dorm. Celine successfully gets me almost to my dorm when we get to a little hill. Celine knew it was close to impossible to get a 450 pound chair up that stupid hill that I had thoughtlessly went up and down many times previously. Just as I was starting to get uncomfortably cold and by now, I am really scared. My independence was the chair. I knew which angle it had to be on to get through doorways, underneath my desk and so much more. So, I am panicking and finally a guy who recognizes me offers to help push me to my dorm. I thank him for his kindness. As soon as we got back, we started calling my parents, the technical support at the therapy clinic and of course, my wheelchair guy, Dave. After an hour of calling people, Dave said that he could drop by. You have to understand, Celine had already missed a client but she couldn't leave me stranded. Celine leaves but she did tell the Residence Life Coordinator about my predicament and to please let Dave in.
"Hannah, it's Christina, Dave is here." Thank God! My hero! Guess what? It took him oh, thirty seconds to fix my beloved wheelchair. I had hit a bump like I do every day but for some reason; it flipped the switch that turns off my wheelchair completely! It wasn't fun...at all. My mom, Celine and Dave all completely had my back.
Four days after that, as my assistant, Kim was putting me in my chair, my joystick was leaning against a bar and somehow it turned on and next thing I know I am across the room and my controller is tilted forward and my joystick is...mangled. I could still drive, thank God! I was barely conscious because I literally had just gotten out of bed. I am not in a good mood. And I decide that Kim was at fault. Because Kim would really do that on purpose. As the day progressed, I realize I was wrong to blame Kim and I did apologize. I felt really bad but Kim understood my frustration. Dave took a quick look at it Monday morning and he did help a lot but he is coming out this week.
So, maybe January hasn't been the smoothest month but people have been there for me which is what really matters. I mean, really, where would you be without the people who have your back?
Get ready for a Valentine's Day post that I think you will enjoy!
XOXO,
Hannah!
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Holiday Bessings
I have been doing as many wonderful Christmassy things as I can. I love the joy Christmas brings to people. I have lights in my dorm (thanks, Dad), a pink tree (thanks, Mom) and a bunch of gifts for my friends and family. My Christmas season started off in our Chapel.
Hannah!
Thursday, November 19, 2009
The Joys of Everyday Life
Recently, I got asked to do a presentation about my disability and how I live my life. It was for a class that Dr. Fiene who I mentioned earlier in my posts asked me to do. This presentation was really enjoyable. I have decided to put the speech and questions that were asked in this post:
My alarm clock is a garage door opener. With the push of a button, my assistant walks in and my day begins. My assistant turns on my DynaVox, which is my voice and then my computer which I rely on for countless tasks. Then, she starts getting me dressed because I am unable to get dressed and undressed independently. She puts me in my wheelchair, combs my hair and takes me to the washroom. This is all while I am thinking about my day, appointment at 3:00, that assignment for class is due on the 20th and so on. I check my e-mails while I eat breakfast, maybe some assignments from professors, Facebook messages, and of course and usually an e-mail from my mom about something or another. I take a shower with complete help from my assistant. Yes, I threw modesty out the window a long time ago! After my shower, I have a two minute makeup routine and I am out the door. My assistant stays in my dorm and does tasks such as, laundry, running to Walgreens, and scanning my books and worksheets into my computer.
I come back from class. It’s one of the best parts of the day! I get my coffee! An iced white chocolate usually is what I get and the coffee people can guess what I want most days. Now, it’s down to the cafeteria for lunch. My assistant feeds me and it feels extremely normal for that is all I know. I don’t know anything different, to me, it’s an everyday occurrence. Usually, I check my mail after lunch. When we get back, I do my exercises. My assistant leaves for the day. I am independent for the next two to five hours. During this time, I usually, check my e-mail again, do homework, go to the writing tutor, and basically do stuff that I can do without a personal assistant. This is a nice time for me because I get privacy and get the privilege of independence. I go to another class at 4, and that ends at 5:30. A different assistant meets me at my dorm, she takes me to the bathroom and we head to the cafeteria for dinner. I usually order from the pasta bar and yet again, the staff can predict my order. I love how they know me. After dinner, my assistant leaves me. This is usually when I do the bulk of my homework and Skype with my friends from Minnesota. After this period of time, my assistant will come and put me to bed which involves, brushing my teeth, face wash, make up remover and taking me to the bathroom. Then, I walk to my bed and go to sleep just to push the garage opener the following morning.
Before I open this up for discussion, I would like to mention a few things. On Monday and Fridays, I have physical therapy in the afternoon. On Monday, the therapist comes to me and we work in the gym. I do the treadmill and stretch. On Friday, I have to take the Pace bus to a therapy clinic and it’s frustrating because they are always late. This is incredibly annoying! You should know that my day is full of hellos from sorority sisters and good friends on campus which make my day. I have SGA on Thursdays. I don’t really think about the disability that much because I live as normal as I can. You guys had questions and I tried to answer them while describing my day but some questions I could not incorporate into this part of the lecture presentation.
First question: Have you ever felt that your disability has restricted you, or do you not see your situation as a disability?
?
Of course a physical disability or any disability restricts you. I can’t drive a car, grab a drink if I’m thirsty and so on but I don’t let it restrict me from things such as joining a sorority. So, it’s really how you choose to see it. If you say to yourself, I can’t even give myself a drink, then your life is going to suck but if you focus on the things you can do, your life will be better.
2nd question: What are some obstacles that you have had to overcome because of your physical disability?
Going to school, personal care, I face obstacles on a daily basis. Just getting to know somebody can be difficult because they don’t understand how I work but it’s amazing because I see myself grow and I have the privilege of watching people grow, it’s pretty cool and it outweighs the frustration completely.
3rd question: Were you always able to talk through your computer? If not how has it changed/helped you?
I got the DynaVox in elementary school and I hated it because I didn’t think it was my voice. I used an ABC board because I had simple thoughts and my mom and dad could understand me. Not until I wanted to flirt with Joey on the bus then I realized the power it gave me. Oh, the power of hormones!
4th question: What kind of opportunities has Elmhurst College given you?
The first thing that comes to mind is a social life! In high school, I didn’t have friends because nobody wanted to take the time to get to know me. Everyone ignored me and now, my peers help me daily and I feel like I can be a valuable friend and vice versa. So, it has been a 360 from my life in high school. It’s shocking how my expectations have changed of my peers. It used to be, please help me, now, the help is so automatic. It’s been absolutely incredible.
5th question and this one was my favorite: Is there anyone who has inspired you or helped you become the person you are?
Oh my God. So many people have helped shaped who I am. A lot of high school teachers, a lot of amazing assistants but I have to say my parents. They always made sure I was happy and that I had every opportunity I could and with that belief, other people came into my life and were able to say, yes you can. And I entrenched myself in those beliefs.
Final question: What is one thing you would like everyone to know about you?
I think it is that I know my purpose in life is to teach and inspire the world. Anything is possible and never say no.
The students were extremely receptive and I could tell I had made an impact which always feels good. These presentations never get old, I swear!
I have not been having the most glorious two weeks. Registering for classes was particularly stressful and my professor passed away.
You have to understand that usually I get early registration for classes. However, during the January term which is basically summer school in the dead of winter, juniors and seniors get priority. My first choice was a special class for communication majors and I really wanted it. There were 22 spots, throughout the week I watched it go down to 0. Shoot. I still have my general education literature requirement to fulfill. So my backup was Civil War literature. It would have been a bit dull for me though but I could have withstood the dullness. Guess what? Didn't get in. So, I look at the classes and all that is left is a class that I can't even understand the title to and the professor provided no description. I don't have any other options except to register blindly into this course. I tell the registration office to sign me up for the course. I go over to the registration office and the woman who helps me actually had the syllabus for me. I look through it and it's actually a virtual travel course in Germany. This class actually looks pretty cool. I will follow up on this in my January post. Although this ended well, it did put a huge amount of stress on me which was not good!
When I walked into acting class on the first day, I saw this young and spry woman full of pizzazz. It was clear that she fully understood me. I was grateful for this because I am not the typical Acting student. The weeks went by; we got a temporary sub due to her being sick. This just meant she just had to recover to me. I thought nothing of it. She would come back for a day or two during those two weeks and she had an oxygen tank with her. Still, I thought she would recover. Then, a week ago my permanent substitute professor had an announcement. Suddenly, I knew exactly what he was going to say. He went to his office and had an e-mail from Kristin Spangler's husband. She was on life support and her attorney was coming that day. I started crying and I was far from alone. The entire class was crying and if you weren't crying, you had this numb look about you. She passed away that day. It is a very sad time for my peers especially the theater majors. All I can say is and this is partially to my readers who are disabled: We lost a good one. And to my great peers of Elmhurst College: I love you and I am here for you!
Although I don't want to especially in the light of Professor Spangler's passing, I have been stressing a lot lately over the little stuff and I think it is human nature to do that because we want everything to go smoothly. I'm not going to say anything about destressing because I don't have that answer. However, try to concentrate on the big things like friendship. That reminds me, I did have a wonderful visitor earlier this month.
The visitor was Katherine from Camp Courage! Ah! We were so excited to see each other! I walk out of class and I see her running towards me. It was pure joy! She was going to be on campus for the day then we would go back to Glenview for shopping and manicures. We were the dynamic duo like always! I would like to point out that all the staff members made time to meet Katherine. Elmhurst College never ceases to impress me! It was a glorious time with a woman who I consider a sister. At one point in the weekend or maybe it was in December, I said, boy I would love to thank the person who assigned us as cabin mates because that person deserves to know about what we have and be thanked profusely! Speaking of thanking people profusely, I have to thank my mom for virtually giving up her weekend so Katherine and I could do everything we wanted to. Thank you, Mom!
Before I leave your inbox, one last story (I can't send a post without some humor):
I wake up at 7:45 and I am at the edge of my bed. This cannot be good. I am also at the bottom.
Hmmm......this isn't good. Now, I am thinking how am I going to push the garage door opener all the way at the top of the bed? If I roll over, I fall off the bed. But how the heck to let my assistant in? I really don't know. I figure when she knocks on the door, I will call for her as normally as I possibly can. My assistant knocks on the door. Normal voice. Normal voice. Normal voice, Hannah! If I didn't use my normal voice, my assistant would worry. I didn't want or need that. I call out in my normal voice. She knows something is up! She is smart enough to figure out that for some reason, I can't open the door. She calls Campus Security to open my door. I'm thinking PLEASE DON'T CALL 911, I don't need paramedics today. The security guard comes and unlocks my door and refuses to even look at me until my assistant said everything is going to be fine. You know...I have to say cute paramedics wouldn't have bothered me that morning!
I apologize that I couldn't write about a funny or sweet adventure. Really, I am! But, this is everyday life fortunately and unfortunately. I realized this month that everyday joys can be just as good. Everyday life is frustrating, monotonous and boring but it can be wonderful, happy and funny. So with that being said, I encourage you to see the joys of everyday life.
All My Love,
Hannah!
My alarm clock is a garage door opener. With the push of a button, my assistant walks in and my day begins. My assistant turns on my DynaVox, which is my voice and then my computer which I rely on for countless tasks. Then, she starts getting me dressed because I am unable to get dressed and undressed independently. She puts me in my wheelchair, combs my hair and takes me to the washroom. This is all while I am thinking about my day, appointment at 3:00, that assignment for class is due on the 20th and so on. I check my e-mails while I eat breakfast, maybe some assignments from professors, Facebook messages, and of course and usually an e-mail from my mom about something or another. I take a shower with complete help from my assistant. Yes, I threw modesty out the window a long time ago! After my shower, I have a two minute makeup routine and I am out the door. My assistant stays in my dorm and does tasks such as, laundry, running to Walgreens, and scanning my books and worksheets into my computer.
I come back from class. It’s one of the best parts of the day! I get my coffee! An iced white chocolate usually is what I get and the coffee people can guess what I want most days. Now, it’s down to the cafeteria for lunch. My assistant feeds me and it feels extremely normal for that is all I know. I don’t know anything different, to me, it’s an everyday occurrence. Usually, I check my mail after lunch. When we get back, I do my exercises. My assistant leaves for the day. I am independent for the next two to five hours. During this time, I usually, check my e-mail again, do homework, go to the writing tutor, and basically do stuff that I can do without a personal assistant. This is a nice time for me because I get privacy and get the privilege of independence. I go to another class at 4, and that ends at 5:30. A different assistant meets me at my dorm, she takes me to the bathroom and we head to the cafeteria for dinner. I usually order from the pasta bar and yet again, the staff can predict my order. I love how they know me. After dinner, my assistant leaves me. This is usually when I do the bulk of my homework and Skype with my friends from Minnesota. After this period of time, my assistant will come and put me to bed which involves, brushing my teeth, face wash, make up remover and taking me to the bathroom. Then, I walk to my bed and go to sleep just to push the garage opener the following morning.
Before I open this up for discussion, I would like to mention a few things. On Monday and Fridays, I have physical therapy in the afternoon. On Monday, the therapist comes to me and we work in the gym. I do the treadmill and stretch. On Friday, I have to take the Pace bus to a therapy clinic and it’s frustrating because they are always late. This is incredibly annoying! You should know that my day is full of hellos from sorority sisters and good friends on campus which make my day. I have SGA on Thursdays. I don’t really think about the disability that much because I live as normal as I can. You guys had questions and I tried to answer them while describing my day but some questions I could not incorporate into this part of the lecture presentation.
First question: Have you ever felt that your disability has restricted you, or do you not see your situation as a disability?
?
Of course a physical disability or any disability restricts you. I can’t drive a car, grab a drink if I’m thirsty and so on but I don’t let it restrict me from things such as joining a sorority. So, it’s really how you choose to see it. If you say to yourself, I can’t even give myself a drink, then your life is going to suck but if you focus on the things you can do, your life will be better.
2nd question: What are some obstacles that you have had to overcome because of your physical disability?
Going to school, personal care, I face obstacles on a daily basis. Just getting to know somebody can be difficult because they don’t understand how I work but it’s amazing because I see myself grow and I have the privilege of watching people grow, it’s pretty cool and it outweighs the frustration completely.
3rd question: Were you always able to talk through your computer? If not how has it changed/helped you?
I got the DynaVox in elementary school and I hated it because I didn’t think it was my voice. I used an ABC board because I had simple thoughts and my mom and dad could understand me. Not until I wanted to flirt with Joey on the bus then I realized the power it gave me. Oh, the power of hormones!
4th question: What kind of opportunities has Elmhurst College given you?
The first thing that comes to mind is a social life! In high school, I didn’t have friends because nobody wanted to take the time to get to know me. Everyone ignored me and now, my peers help me daily and I feel like I can be a valuable friend and vice versa. So, it has been a 360 from my life in high school. It’s shocking how my expectations have changed of my peers. It used to be, please help me, now, the help is so automatic. It’s been absolutely incredible.
5th question and this one was my favorite: Is there anyone who has inspired you or helped you become the person you are?
Oh my God. So many people have helped shaped who I am. A lot of high school teachers, a lot of amazing assistants but I have to say my parents. They always made sure I was happy and that I had every opportunity I could and with that belief, other people came into my life and were able to say, yes you can. And I entrenched myself in those beliefs.
Final question: What is one thing you would like everyone to know about you?
I think it is that I know my purpose in life is to teach and inspire the world. Anything is possible and never say no.
The students were extremely receptive and I could tell I had made an impact which always feels good. These presentations never get old, I swear!
I have not been having the most glorious two weeks. Registering for classes was particularly stressful and my professor passed away.
You have to understand that usually I get early registration for classes. However, during the January term which is basically summer school in the dead of winter, juniors and seniors get priority. My first choice was a special class for communication majors and I really wanted it. There were 22 spots, throughout the week I watched it go down to 0. Shoot. I still have my general education literature requirement to fulfill. So my backup was Civil War literature. It would have been a bit dull for me though but I could have withstood the dullness. Guess what? Didn't get in. So, I look at the classes and all that is left is a class that I can't even understand the title to and the professor provided no description. I don't have any other options except to register blindly into this course. I tell the registration office to sign me up for the course. I go over to the registration office and the woman who helps me actually had the syllabus for me. I look through it and it's actually a virtual travel course in Germany. This class actually looks pretty cool. I will follow up on this in my January post. Although this ended well, it did put a huge amount of stress on me which was not good!
When I walked into acting class on the first day, I saw this young and spry woman full of pizzazz. It was clear that she fully understood me. I was grateful for this because I am not the typical Acting student. The weeks went by; we got a temporary sub due to her being sick. This just meant she just had to recover to me. I thought nothing of it. She would come back for a day or two during those two weeks and she had an oxygen tank with her. Still, I thought she would recover. Then, a week ago my permanent substitute professor had an announcement. Suddenly, I knew exactly what he was going to say. He went to his office and had an e-mail from Kristin Spangler's husband. She was on life support and her attorney was coming that day. I started crying and I was far from alone. The entire class was crying and if you weren't crying, you had this numb look about you. She passed away that day. It is a very sad time for my peers especially the theater majors. All I can say is and this is partially to my readers who are disabled: We lost a good one. And to my great peers of Elmhurst College: I love you and I am here for you!
Although I don't want to especially in the light of Professor Spangler's passing, I have been stressing a lot lately over the little stuff and I think it is human nature to do that because we want everything to go smoothly. I'm not going to say anything about destressing because I don't have that answer. However, try to concentrate on the big things like friendship. That reminds me, I did have a wonderful visitor earlier this month.
The visitor was Katherine from Camp Courage! Ah! We were so excited to see each other! I walk out of class and I see her running towards me. It was pure joy! She was going to be on campus for the day then we would go back to Glenview for shopping and manicures. We were the dynamic duo like always! I would like to point out that all the staff members made time to meet Katherine. Elmhurst College never ceases to impress me! It was a glorious time with a woman who I consider a sister. At one point in the weekend or maybe it was in December, I said, boy I would love to thank the person who assigned us as cabin mates because that person deserves to know about what we have and be thanked profusely! Speaking of thanking people profusely, I have to thank my mom for virtually giving up her weekend so Katherine and I could do everything we wanted to. Thank you, Mom!
Before I leave your inbox, one last story (I can't send a post without some humor):
I wake up at 7:45 and I am at the edge of my bed. This cannot be good. I am also at the bottom.
Hmmm......this isn't good. Now, I am thinking how am I going to push the garage door opener all the way at the top of the bed? If I roll over, I fall off the bed. But how the heck to let my assistant in? I really don't know. I figure when she knocks on the door, I will call for her as normally as I possibly can. My assistant knocks on the door. Normal voice. Normal voice. Normal voice, Hannah! If I didn't use my normal voice, my assistant would worry. I didn't want or need that. I call out in my normal voice. She knows something is up! She is smart enough to figure out that for some reason, I can't open the door. She calls Campus Security to open my door. I'm thinking PLEASE DON'T CALL 911, I don't need paramedics today. The security guard comes and unlocks my door and refuses to even look at me until my assistant said everything is going to be fine. You know...I have to say cute paramedics wouldn't have bothered me that morning!
I apologize that I couldn't write about a funny or sweet adventure. Really, I am! But, this is everyday life fortunately and unfortunately. I realized this month that everyday joys can be just as good. Everyday life is frustrating, monotonous and boring but it can be wonderful, happy and funny. So with that being said, I encourage you to see the joys of everyday life.
All My Love,
Hannah!
Sunday, October 11, 2009
The People That Lift Me Up
It's 6:30, time for the dress rehearsal for the talent show. I get to the beautiful chapel, got my great outfit on, all ready. I saw the talent show last year and knew I had to be in it this year. I performed in Camp Courage Idol which was a talent show at Camp and I had won which solidified that I should do this. I am ready, I see that big, beautiful stage in the chapel! But, the stage is not ready for me...not one bit!
I get there and ask Jennifer, a homecoming chair if the lift is ready. No. It is not working. The lift to the stage that I have dreamed about performing on...yea...that lift is broken! Jennifer says that she has called maintenance. I'm thinking this should be a twenty minute quick fix. The maintenance man comes and he says, there is nothing we can do. What? So now I have about five students looking at this thing. They are all still trying to get it to work. Shortly after the maintenance guy leaves, Elizabeth who I have mentioned in the blog before and is one of the staff members in charge of this event comes. I start getting all teary eyed when she shows up. I didn't want my dream to be put on hold for another YEAR. Elizabeth says, I've made some calls to the head of Security and another maintenance guy is coming. Meanwhile, my sorority sister Brittany has not left my side. I am a wreck; in fact everyone was a wreck. The guys are still trying to work on the lift. At this point, you're probably thinking, why don't they just lift the chair? That is a big rule with my parents and I that NOBODY lifts the chair. Despite this concrete rule, Brittany and I call my mom and explain the situation. My mom of course says, no, it's way too dangerous. At this point, I am frustrated and sad.
The guys (my fellow students) are still working on the lift. They have been working on it for a good hour now, meaning I have been in emotional turmoil for a HOUR. I am just looking at Brittany like, is this really happening? She is trying to comfort me as well as fix the lift. On top of everything, the audience is starting to come. Great.
While the show begins and a lot of guys who are helping me actually have to do their jobs and host the show, the maintenance guy comes and unlike the other maintenance guy who just said call the manufacturer (OK, buddy like company hot lines are open at 8:00 at night), this guy was determined to fix this thing. Meanwhile, Ian who is another staff member sponsoring this event comes. Ian was also very determined to get me on stage. So, now Ian and the maintenance guy are trying to fix the lift to the stage of my current dreams. I take the liberty to call my mom again to ask if I can have the willing guys lift me on stage. She responds, you wouldn't be calling me if this was safe. Darnit, you're right, Mom! And yes, I did use a different word besides darn.
Going into our third hour of this mess, people are wondering if I should perform on the ground, they have moved my act to very thr last, I mean everything has been done in my favor which I was more than thankful for. I remember saying to Ian, at least I have great people around me and this will make a great blog. Remember, Brittany is still at my side. And I have to admit, I was looking up at that chapel ceiling periodically throughout the night going, God, are you serious? Another half hour of emotional turmoil passes and nothing.
It's the end of the show and things are looking real, real bleak. Until, the lift starts moving up and down. We're halfway there! Then, by some miracle and a lot of hard work the lift is able to unfold! It was a joyous moment for all! Brittany is crying for joy, I am overjoyed and hugging everyone in sight, Ian is just plain relieved, Elizabeth is smiling from ear to ear and everybody backstage is simply overjoyed including the maintenance man. I call my mom and say, it is quite the moment! Everyone was simply thrilled!
I roll on the lift, it does indeed take me up and I roll on stage. Brittany takes my DynaVox off and I start dancing with my heart and soul. I own that stage! It was an amazing feeling! The audience gave me a standing ovation which just was incredible and they didn't know that I had struggled to physically get on the stage. I had already won the talent show in my mind.
So, after my dance, I am thinking it does not matter if I win. I got to dance on that glorious stage and fulfill a dream. When we were all called back on stage to announce the winner, I thought, OK, it would be nice to win. When the envelope was passed to the host, HANNAH THOMPSON was announced. Oh my God! This was like a Disney movie! The other performers started to hug me and I felt like Miss America! My other sorority sister, Kim got runner up!
Needless to say, I am so incredibly grateful for ALL those people who worked on the lift! Students and faculty came together to fulfill a dream. All I can say is THANK YOU, especially to my Phi Mu sister, Brittany!
Since I have been in Phi Mu, I have had incredible things like this happen, maybe not on this large of a scale but still incredibly blog worthy!
In March, we had a retreat at a sister’s house. We had ordered a ramp and when I got there, it hadn't come. Two of the girls helped me sit in a normal chair and while my assistant was figuring out the ramp situation, the girls held me in the chair and fed me pizza. The sisters are willing to take that extra step and help me.
Over the summer, we had a recruitment workshop ALL DAY. Around the lunch hour, girls were getting food from Portillos. Two sisters gladly offered to go and get Portillos and bring it back. They fed me like it was second nature. While we were eating, the two sisters started to talk about how involved they would get this year. During their conversation, I commented, it’s really hard for me to get involved because of me having to manage my assistants. You have to understand that I can't be involved in everything since I essentially have a job managing my assistants so hearing these conversations is difficult. Instead of brushing the comment off, they expressed that they understood my responsibilities and watched me struggle with ongoing cancellations with my assistants. They really did get it.
At homecoming, all the Greek organizations tailgate. We're talking and having a great time and I start gagging. A couple of sisters take me back to my room and calm me down. We were talking in my room about how some people really don't get it. For example, they pointed out that people apologize when I hit them and instances such as those when people act like idiots. I'm sitting there thinking to myself, they really do all get it so much to the point where we can totally joke about it.
I joined a sorority because of the fundamentals. I would be a part of a group of women who shared the same beliefs as me and would eventually get to know me on the level I just explained. This is the feeling I have at Camp Courage. I wanted to find those fundamentals that Camp Courage had and be able to have that feeling at college. Those fundamentals would include: a structured schedule, planned activities, amazing people, and an immense feeling of acceptance. Phi Mu is able to give me all those things in a college setting. I am so grateful and blessed to have Phi Mu and Camp Courage in my life. Finally, a big thank you to my parents because I wouldn't of been able to go to Camp Courage without them driving me eight hours there and back every summer for four years and finding a place where I would be embraced for having a disability. And my parents are very supportive of me being in Phi Mu, they never say no unless it involves my safety. My parents, my sorority sisters, the people at Elmhurst College and my beloved Courage friends, you are the people that lift me up. I love you all so much!
Lots of Love,
Hannah!
I get there and ask Jennifer, a homecoming chair if the lift is ready. No. It is not working. The lift to the stage that I have dreamed about performing on...yea...that lift is broken! Jennifer says that she has called maintenance. I'm thinking this should be a twenty minute quick fix. The maintenance man comes and he says, there is nothing we can do. What? So now I have about five students looking at this thing. They are all still trying to get it to work. Shortly after the maintenance guy leaves, Elizabeth who I have mentioned in the blog before and is one of the staff members in charge of this event comes. I start getting all teary eyed when she shows up. I didn't want my dream to be put on hold for another YEAR. Elizabeth says, I've made some calls to the head of Security and another maintenance guy is coming. Meanwhile, my sorority sister Brittany has not left my side. I am a wreck; in fact everyone was a wreck. The guys are still trying to work on the lift. At this point, you're probably thinking, why don't they just lift the chair? That is a big rule with my parents and I that NOBODY lifts the chair. Despite this concrete rule, Brittany and I call my mom and explain the situation. My mom of course says, no, it's way too dangerous. At this point, I am frustrated and sad.
The guys (my fellow students) are still working on the lift. They have been working on it for a good hour now, meaning I have been in emotional turmoil for a HOUR. I am just looking at Brittany like, is this really happening? She is trying to comfort me as well as fix the lift. On top of everything, the audience is starting to come. Great.
While the show begins and a lot of guys who are helping me actually have to do their jobs and host the show, the maintenance guy comes and unlike the other maintenance guy who just said call the manufacturer (OK, buddy like company hot lines are open at 8:00 at night), this guy was determined to fix this thing. Meanwhile, Ian who is another staff member sponsoring this event comes. Ian was also very determined to get me on stage. So, now Ian and the maintenance guy are trying to fix the lift to the stage of my current dreams. I take the liberty to call my mom again to ask if I can have the willing guys lift me on stage. She responds, you wouldn't be calling me if this was safe. Darnit, you're right, Mom! And yes, I did use a different word besides darn.
Going into our third hour of this mess, people are wondering if I should perform on the ground, they have moved my act to very thr last, I mean everything has been done in my favor which I was more than thankful for. I remember saying to Ian, at least I have great people around me and this will make a great blog. Remember, Brittany is still at my side. And I have to admit, I was looking up at that chapel ceiling periodically throughout the night going, God, are you serious? Another half hour of emotional turmoil passes and nothing.
It's the end of the show and things are looking real, real bleak. Until, the lift starts moving up and down. We're halfway there! Then, by some miracle and a lot of hard work the lift is able to unfold! It was a joyous moment for all! Brittany is crying for joy, I am overjoyed and hugging everyone in sight, Ian is just plain relieved, Elizabeth is smiling from ear to ear and everybody backstage is simply overjoyed including the maintenance man. I call my mom and say, it is quite the moment! Everyone was simply thrilled!
I roll on the lift, it does indeed take me up and I roll on stage. Brittany takes my DynaVox off and I start dancing with my heart and soul. I own that stage! It was an amazing feeling! The audience gave me a standing ovation which just was incredible and they didn't know that I had struggled to physically get on the stage. I had already won the talent show in my mind.
So, after my dance, I am thinking it does not matter if I win. I got to dance on that glorious stage and fulfill a dream. When we were all called back on stage to announce the winner, I thought, OK, it would be nice to win. When the envelope was passed to the host, HANNAH THOMPSON was announced. Oh my God! This was like a Disney movie! The other performers started to hug me and I felt like Miss America! My other sorority sister, Kim got runner up!
Needless to say, I am so incredibly grateful for ALL those people who worked on the lift! Students and faculty came together to fulfill a dream. All I can say is THANK YOU, especially to my Phi Mu sister, Brittany!
Since I have been in Phi Mu, I have had incredible things like this happen, maybe not on this large of a scale but still incredibly blog worthy!
In March, we had a retreat at a sister’s house. We had ordered a ramp and when I got there, it hadn't come. Two of the girls helped me sit in a normal chair and while my assistant was figuring out the ramp situation, the girls held me in the chair and fed me pizza. The sisters are willing to take that extra step and help me.
Over the summer, we had a recruitment workshop ALL DAY. Around the lunch hour, girls were getting food from Portillos. Two sisters gladly offered to go and get Portillos and bring it back. They fed me like it was second nature. While we were eating, the two sisters started to talk about how involved they would get this year. During their conversation, I commented, it’s really hard for me to get involved because of me having to manage my assistants. You have to understand that I can't be involved in everything since I essentially have a job managing my assistants so hearing these conversations is difficult. Instead of brushing the comment off, they expressed that they understood my responsibilities and watched me struggle with ongoing cancellations with my assistants. They really did get it.
At homecoming, all the Greek organizations tailgate. We're talking and having a great time and I start gagging. A couple of sisters take me back to my room and calm me down. We were talking in my room about how some people really don't get it. For example, they pointed out that people apologize when I hit them and instances such as those when people act like idiots. I'm sitting there thinking to myself, they really do all get it so much to the point where we can totally joke about it.
I joined a sorority because of the fundamentals. I would be a part of a group of women who shared the same beliefs as me and would eventually get to know me on the level I just explained. This is the feeling I have at Camp Courage. I wanted to find those fundamentals that Camp Courage had and be able to have that feeling at college. Those fundamentals would include: a structured schedule, planned activities, amazing people, and an immense feeling of acceptance. Phi Mu is able to give me all those things in a college setting. I am so grateful and blessed to have Phi Mu and Camp Courage in my life. Finally, a big thank you to my parents because I wouldn't of been able to go to Camp Courage without them driving me eight hours there and back every summer for four years and finding a place where I would be embraced for having a disability. And my parents are very supportive of me being in Phi Mu, they never say no unless it involves my safety. My parents, my sorority sisters, the people at Elmhurst College and my beloved Courage friends, you are the people that lift me up. I love you all so much!
Lots of Love,
Hannah!
Monday, September 14, 2009
I Guess a 6th Graders Dream Never Disappears
When I got home from hearing the results from the 6th grade election, I was crying. I remember my mother pulling up the driveway in the big white van and her getting out of the car and consoling me. Needless to say, I had lost the Hoffman elementary school student government election. From then on, I stayed away from any type of elections.
Fast forward to the first week of sophomore year of college. I was featured in a diversity exhibit in the student union. My picture was HUGE as you can see.
So, I'm at this exhibit with my parents and Genevieve, my sister. We're enjoying ourselves and talking to Eileen, the Dean of Students. My mom in her usual fashion is taking a bunch of pictures of the event. Dr. Ray, the esteemed presid
ent of the university who I talk to on a frequent basis comes over to talk to me. I ask how his three kids are doing and look at the little wallet size photos and commenting on how cute they are and exchanging pleasantries with one another. This continues until he brings up the student government. His "personal hope" for me is to be on the student government. I respond by saying that this was flattering. Dr. Ray responds by saying, he really wants me to do it. In addition to him, a handful of administrators asked me to be on student government association (SGA). So, not only do I have the administration saying I should do this; I now have my parents wanting me to do this. Oh, and I forgot, my very good friend and role model, Hannah is pushing me also. My parents and I went out to dinner after the exhibit and you bet we talked about SGA. I get home from dinner and I don't know what to do. I was hesitant for several reasons.
The first reason was that it was a time commitment. Did I have time and for that matter, energy to do this?
The second reason is a bit more complicated to explain. See, in the past my peers have ignored me and to be honest, I never really liked them. But these were the Elmhurst students. I had them on very high pedestals. I loved them. I wanted to keep them on pedestals. I knew that someday they would have to be tested. It was inevitable. This election would test if they thought I was good enough to lead them despite my physical condition. Good enough. Pretty scary words.
Those were the two major reasons that I just did not want to be on that ballot. So, it's two days until the election. I would have to get 50 signatures in twenty four hours and write a 75 word personal statement. I thought about it that night. As I was falling asleep, one of my last thoughts included the question, why would God put this many people in my life pushing me to do this? Especially a peer.
I woke up the following morning and the first thought that pops into my head is: I have to get those fifty signatures! I go get that application with fifty blank lines on it. I was going to get those signatures! First, I asked my literature class to sign by asking them before class began. They all signed the petition. It got me to thirty something signatures. Then I went to the Frick Center which is our student union. Not only did people sign the petition, they gave me genuine words of encouragement. I called my mom to tell her that I had gotten thirty something signatures. She was surprised that I had decided to do it and encouraged me. By 5:30, I had gotten 50 signatures. This was a big confidence booster. My next task was to write a personal statement. My personal statement was:
Acceptance and unity are the words that come to mind when I think of Elmhurst College. I think of acceptance because from when I arrived, I was accepted despite my appearance. When I serve on the Association, I want to give that feeling of acceptance back to students. Unity comes to mind because while we are diverse, we have goals that unite us. When I serve, I will enforce these two essential feelings on campus. Now, that's a personal statement!
I did get elected.
A few hours after I knew I got elected, I get a knock on the door and it is Jake, a Lamba Chi (a fraternity) and an icon on SGA. Thankfully, I was still dressed appropriately to see a guy. I let him in my room and I am thinking what? He starts telling me about the drama that SGA has had. To be truthful, I was hesitant even after I was elected. I am a girl who is all heart and don't want to be hurt by the game of politics. Trust me, it may only be college but you bet people play games and such. Jake stopping by didn't help this feeling of hesitancy. The last thing I need is more drama in my life but, I must say it's wonderful for blog purposes.
I ended up really enjoyed the first meeting. I felt quite empowered. This is the time where I have to confess something. I have always wanted to be on student government. Yea, I know. It isn't like me to wait for people to push me towards my dreams but I had the right people steering me in the right direction. So, I really wish I could hug that little 6th grader in that purple Gap sweatshirt and promise that everything was going to be all right because her dream never really disappeared.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stories That I Just Have to Tell:
We have a program for cognitively challenged young adults at Elmhurst. The student body gladly accepts these students. There is one student in particular that has a place in our hearts, his name is Andrew. He can sit at any table at lunch because everyone makes room for Andrew. All of us watch out for him since he's Andrew and loved by all. Well, Friday night Elmhurst's Union Board is hosting a comedian and I decide to go. I get there and park myself in a great spot, all ready to go, going to be a great show. I see Andrew there which is very common. I'm sitting a few rows behind Andrew. The comedian starts to do his thing. Andrew spontaneously decides to leave which is completely normal. We're used to this. The comedian starts making fun of Andrew for leaving the show so early not knowing about Andrew. We all start laughing because of the comedian's complete blindness to the situation. It was our way of saying, you idiot, he's our Andrew. Eventually, the Union Board president runs up there and explains Andrew's situation. I thought that this showed that the students knew the situation well enough to be able to laugh at a genuinely funny thing that has happened. I think it increased our acceptance of Andrew even more. I hope this short story is taken in the right manner, we were not laughing at Andrew in any way, we were laughing at the comedian's ignorance.
So, here's another elevator story. I stepped into the elevator that already had a passenger in it. The passenger was a woman-probably a professor. It is about 4:00. Here is our dialogue:
Passenger: Going to class?
Me: Yes.
Passenger: I'm done with my classes. You must have a late class.
Me: Yes. Passenger: I'm better off than you.
Me: Yes.
Passenger: Oh God, I didn't mean it that way (referring to my physical situation), sorry.
I'm thinking, really, it's OK to say that. I knew exactly what she was referring to. We are so politically correct in this nation. Now that I look back on it, it was really funny!
The beginning of the school year started off with a bang! This particular bang has made me love my friends and Elmhurst and in Minnesota even more. My friends in Minnesota were checking in on me during this process. My friends at Elmhurst do deserve a lot of recognition for seeing past everything and saying that not only do they love me, they want me to lead them as a representative in student government. This student body is truly amazing.
Your Student Government Representative,
Hannah!
P.S. Do you like the new layout and color scheme of my blog? I chose pink and white because those are the colors of Phi Mu and colors of success to me.
P.S.S. My mother and father put up with my indecisiveness constantly, I want to thank them for always being supportive no matter what.
Fast forward to the first week of sophomore year of college. I was featured in a diversity exhibit in the student union. My picture was HUGE as you can see.
So, I'm at this exhibit with my parents and Genevieve, my sister. We're enjoying ourselves and talking to Eileen, the Dean of Students. My mom in her usual fashion is taking a bunch of pictures of the event. Dr. Ray, the esteemed presid
ent of the university who I talk to on a frequent basis comes over to talk to me. I ask how his three kids are doing and look at the little wallet size photos and commenting on how cute they are and exchanging pleasantries with one another. This continues until he brings up the student government. His "personal hope" for me is to be on the student government. I respond by saying that this was flattering. Dr. Ray responds by saying, he really wants me to do it. In addition to him, a handful of administrators asked me to be on student government association (SGA). So, not only do I have the administration saying I should do this; I now have my parents wanting me to do this. Oh, and I forgot, my very good friend and role model, Hannah is pushing me also. My parents and I went out to dinner after the exhibit and you bet we talked about SGA. I get home from dinner and I don't know what to do. I was hesitant for several reasons.The first reason was that it was a time commitment. Did I have time and for that matter, energy to do this?
The second reason is a bit more complicated to explain. See, in the past my peers have ignored me and to be honest, I never really liked them. But these were the Elmhurst students. I had them on very high pedestals. I loved them. I wanted to keep them on pedestals. I knew that someday they would have to be tested. It was inevitable. This election would test if they thought I was good enough to lead them despite my physical condition. Good enough. Pretty scary words.
Those were the two major reasons that I just did not want to be on that ballot. So, it's two days until the election. I would have to get 50 signatures in twenty four hours and write a 75 word personal statement. I thought about it that night. As I was falling asleep, one of my last thoughts included the question, why would God put this many people in my life pushing me to do this? Especially a peer.
I woke up the following morning and the first thought that pops into my head is: I have to get those fifty signatures! I go get that application with fifty blank lines on it. I was going to get those signatures! First, I asked my literature class to sign by asking them before class began. They all signed the petition. It got me to thirty something signatures. Then I went to the Frick Center which is our student union. Not only did people sign the petition, they gave me genuine words of encouragement. I called my mom to tell her that I had gotten thirty something signatures. She was surprised that I had decided to do it and encouraged me. By 5:30, I had gotten 50 signatures. This was a big confidence booster. My next task was to write a personal statement. My personal statement was:
Acceptance and unity are the words that come to mind when I think of Elmhurst College. I think of acceptance because from when I arrived, I was accepted despite my appearance. When I serve on the Association, I want to give that feeling of acceptance back to students. Unity comes to mind because while we are diverse, we have goals that unite us. When I serve, I will enforce these two essential feelings on campus. Now, that's a personal statement!
I did get elected.
A few hours after I knew I got elected, I get a knock on the door and it is Jake, a Lamba Chi (a fraternity) and an icon on SGA. Thankfully, I was still dressed appropriately to see a guy. I let him in my room and I am thinking what? He starts telling me about the drama that SGA has had. To be truthful, I was hesitant even after I was elected. I am a girl who is all heart and don't want to be hurt by the game of politics. Trust me, it may only be college but you bet people play games and such. Jake stopping by didn't help this feeling of hesitancy. The last thing I need is more drama in my life but, I must say it's wonderful for blog purposes.
I ended up really enjoyed the first meeting. I felt quite empowered. This is the time where I have to confess something. I have always wanted to be on student government. Yea, I know. It isn't like me to wait for people to push me towards my dreams but I had the right people steering me in the right direction. So, I really wish I could hug that little 6th grader in that purple Gap sweatshirt and promise that everything was going to be all right because her dream never really disappeared.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stories That I Just Have to Tell:
We have a program for cognitively challenged young adults at Elmhurst. The student body gladly accepts these students. There is one student in particular that has a place in our hearts, his name is Andrew. He can sit at any table at lunch because everyone makes room for Andrew. All of us watch out for him since he's Andrew and loved by all. Well, Friday night Elmhurst's Union Board is hosting a comedian and I decide to go. I get there and park myself in a great spot, all ready to go, going to be a great show. I see Andrew there which is very common. I'm sitting a few rows behind Andrew. The comedian starts to do his thing. Andrew spontaneously decides to leave which is completely normal. We're used to this. The comedian starts making fun of Andrew for leaving the show so early not knowing about Andrew. We all start laughing because of the comedian's complete blindness to the situation. It was our way of saying, you idiot, he's our Andrew. Eventually, the Union Board president runs up there and explains Andrew's situation. I thought that this showed that the students knew the situation well enough to be able to laugh at a genuinely funny thing that has happened. I think it increased our acceptance of Andrew even more. I hope this short story is taken in the right manner, we were not laughing at Andrew in any way, we were laughing at the comedian's ignorance.
So, here's another elevator story. I stepped into the elevator that already had a passenger in it. The passenger was a woman-probably a professor. It is about 4:00. Here is our dialogue:
Passenger: Going to class?
Me: Yes.
Passenger: I'm done with my classes. You must have a late class.
Me: Yes. Passenger: I'm better off than you.
Me: Yes.
Passenger: Oh God, I didn't mean it that way (referring to my physical situation), sorry.
I'm thinking, really, it's OK to say that. I knew exactly what she was referring to. We are so politically correct in this nation. Now that I look back on it, it was really funny!
The beginning of the school year started off with a bang! This particular bang has made me love my friends and Elmhurst and in Minnesota even more. My friends in Minnesota were checking in on me during this process. My friends at Elmhurst do deserve a lot of recognition for seeing past everything and saying that not only do they love me, they want me to lead them as a representative in student government. This student body is truly amazing.
Your Student Government Representative,
Hannah!
P.S. Do you like the new layout and color scheme of my blog? I chose pink and white because those are the colors of Phi Mu and colors of success to me.
P.S.S. My mother and father put up with my indecisiveness constantly, I want to thank them for always being supportive no matter what.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Elmhurst...I'm Back!
So good to be back! AAAAAAAA!!!
It has been three hundred and sixty five days since I came up with this idea. So, it is a special day for me in a way. Like I have said in previous posts, I had no idea that this blog would be such a hit with you all. It's been such a pleasure writing for each and every one of you. Let's go back to June.
When I arrived back in Glenview, it wasn't a good feeling. I chose to do some self reflecting and ask myself why. I came up with what I was labeled in Glenview versus Elmhurst is radically different. I am labeled much more frequently with the word disabled in Glenview than at Elmhurst. At home, I constantly need someone's help which is mentally draining. I can't direct the way I am taken care of, I can't say I want to take a shower at this time of the day, I can't go out of the house and necessarily be safe. At Elmhurst, I can schedule when and how my personal care is performed and go anywhere on campus and be safe. When that is taken away from you, you're going to FEEL disabled. There is a difference between BEING disabled and FEELING disabled. I am disabled 24 hours 7 days a week 365 days out of the year which is fine with me, it's my life and as I have expressed before, I love my life! However, feeling disabled is an entirely different thing. It happens when Katherine calls me on Skype and I am in bed unable to answer her call, it happens when I need to get out of my chair and I can't be doing what I want on the computer and anytime I am put into a position where I can't move or be productive which is rare at school. Now, I do lay down at school-just on my own terms. I will choose to have a meal in bed which gets me out of the sitting position or watch The Bachelor laying down. It's when I have to lay down and have it interrupt my life that I don't like it. So, at home I feel disabled more than at Elmhurst because I have control my life. But, I am happy to say there is a place where I can go that I am not labeled by my disability at all. That is Camp Courage!
It has been three hundred and sixty five days since I came up with this idea. So, it is a special day for me in a way. Like I have said in previous posts, I had no idea that this blog would be such a hit with you all. It's been such a pleasure writing for each and every one of you. Let's go back to June.
When I arrived back in Glenview, it wasn't a good feeling. I chose to do some self reflecting and ask myself why. I came up with what I was labeled in Glenview versus Elmhurst is radically different. I am labeled much more frequently with the word disabled in Glenview than at Elmhurst. At home, I constantly need someone's help which is mentally draining. I can't direct the way I am taken care of, I can't say I want to take a shower at this time of the day, I can't go out of the house and necessarily be safe. At Elmhurst, I can schedule when and how my personal care is performed and go anywhere on campus and be safe. When that is taken away from you, you're going to FEEL disabled. There is a difference between BEING disabled and FEELING disabled. I am disabled 24 hours 7 days a week 365 days out of the year which is fine with me, it's my life and as I have expressed before, I love my life! However, feeling disabled is an entirely different thing. It happens when Katherine calls me on Skype and I am in bed unable to answer her call, it happens when I need to get out of my chair and I can't be doing what I want on the computer and anytime I am put into a position where I can't move or be productive which is rare at school. Now, I do lay down at school-just on my own terms. I will choose to have a meal in bed which gets me out of the sitting position or watch The Bachelor laying down. It's when I have to lay down and have it interrupt my life that I don't like it. So, at home I feel disabled more than at Elmhurst because I have control my life. But, I am happy to say there is a place where I can go that I am not labeled by my disability at all. That is Camp Courage!
I saw Katherine and that was it. We were attached at the hip. The counselors caught on mighty quick that we were a pair. I was so happy to see my girl! It was really exciting then I met up with Keith! Oh! That was just spectacular to have Katherine and Keith with me!
The first counselor I met was Kate. She understood my situation and Katherine's situation which is rare that one person can understand both of us and how we function together. You have to understand, once the parents leave, it's all on the counselors to take care of us. So, whoever meshed with me-well, really Katherine and I stays with us. I liked Kate for Katherine and I and she seemed to like us. Katherine and I were nervous about the first meal because due to a new issue where she hears EVERYTHING 100 times louder than we do. This is obviously extremely stressful on Katherine. We both knew that there was a good chance she wouldn't be eating in the dining hall. The moment of truth arrives. It's dinnertime and I ask Katherine to try eating in the dining hall. She tries and everything is going well, were giving each other looks like this is going to work. It lIt worked until they used the microphone. Kate, Katherine and I both know it is not going to happen-whatsoever. Now, we were anxious about being able to sit together. In the past if one of us has had to sit elsewhere, the counselors didn't really let us sit together. This year was completely different. They bent over backwards to let us sit together, depending on the weather we would wait in the cabin for our meals or eat on the lovely balcony. And, of course Keith would visit us at least once or even bring us our desserts. This turned out to be quite the lovely adaptation! Thanks, Katherine! There were several events that Katherine and I missed because of her hearing but I really didn't mind. I mean, if I wasn't with Katherine, it was not that fun. Half of the reason I go to camp is to see Katherine so being without her would feel so wrong!
I have to talk about Keith now. He and I both knew that the other counselors wouldn't necessarily understand our relationship. We Skype each other at least twice a week and talk about everything-not your typical camper counselor relationship. So, before I even got to camp, he explained to the counselors as best as he could how it would work. He knew I would want to swim with him and basically spend every minute I could with him. We really felt comfortable with each other. See, Keith skypes with me and through that I think he learned some of my cues such as, "breathe" and "relax" especially when I started to gag. We did get those weird looks like why are you guys so close? But that's par for the course!
I really do have to thank Kate! She was so AMAZING with our needs and especially making sure we were happy. Kate is definitely one of those special people who you want in your life. She was willing to learn and really put her best foot forward. She really made the week that much more fun for me.
Finally, Trinayani also known as T came for a day to visit me. She actually said she thought about not coming because she did not feel like it but then decided to come because of me. That was moving in itself. T and I met my first year at camp and connected right away and we have been friends ever since. I love this girl more than words can ever describe.
There are also two other people that I simply must mention which are Caycee and Danielle. Caycee is a counselor at Camp Courage and she really is such a cool young woman. She also has Cerebral Palsy and does not let her disability get in the way of anything. I don't think she realizes she has a disability half of the time. I love the girl to death!
The other young woman is Danielle. Oh my God. The girl is exactly like me. We think exactly the same! I started talking to her and it was like talking to my twin. She wouldn't take a magic pill to walk or talk and I feel the exact same way. All she needs to live is her service dog and her wheelchair. Wow! The girl simply blew me away.
As you can probably tell, I had such a great time at Camp Courage! I always say half of my heart is in Minnesota and half of my heart is here. To emphasize this point, I made a video. It's from 2007-09! It's been such an unexpected surprise and it just keeps getting better. Please watch my video:My Journey at Camp Courage!
When I got home from camp, it was definitely difficult because I missed all my friends so much and my life was boring back home. One of the things that helps with this AND the independence factor is Facebook. Facebook is a social networking website that allows friends all over the world to connect with each other. Personally, it puts me on an equal playing field because the conversations are through instant messaging or messaging (it's e-mail on Facebook). I know all adults think it's this dangerous and horrible thing, I'm here to tell you, it's really not. If you are cautious, it is an amazing tool for socializing. I mention Facebook in here because I know a lot of parents with special needs kids read this blog. It's a great tool because they can talk to their friends without help from anyone. It's funny because once I tell people I have a Facebook, you can tell the person who I am talking to now understands that I'm a lot like them. Is it the magic pill for social acceptance? No. However, it's a step that your kid can take to be seen as a "normal" peer. Just throwing the idea out.
Also, one of the things that kept me independent and for that matter, busy is working at Pathways therapy center. I worked with two boys who used the DynaVox and helped with the newsletter. I felt absolutely blessed to have a job in this economy and the people are simply extraordinary there. I can't thank you enough!
Before I end this blog, I have to mention something quite sad. My great uncle's mother passed away this July. I wanted to recognize her life in this post. I did make a tribute to her however, DO NOT feel like you have to watch it if you did not know Mrs. King. If you do wish to watch the tribute, please go to:
Anyway, it's off to Seattle tomorrow then I go back to school. I am so thrilled to be going back as a sophomore. I can't wait to really push myself. I would really say that this summer of relaxing has prepared me for being independent for the next exciting nine months. I am so excited about this year because I am ready for the challenges and successes that are ahead.All I have to say is: Elmhurst College, I am back!
Lots of Love,
Hannah!
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