Happiness

With much time to think about this post, I remembered a list of things I wrote years ago.

Things that make me happy:

1. An old fashioned car on the road

2. A working computer

3. A person smiling at you in Chicago or NYC

4. A plane taking off to get you to your family

5. A plane landing in the tropics with you as luggage

6. A grandparent’s hug

7. Seeing a girl hit a baseball

8. Seeing a boy dance

9. Not having writers block

10. Seeing a famous thing that you only see in movies such as two people running into each other’s arms and kissing

11. A movie with a “nobody” in it

12. Embracing the sun’s energy and light

13. Doing something on your own for the first time

14. A soccer game that does not have AYSO written all over it

15. Getting a handwritten letter

16. Introducing yourself to a very cute young woman or man

17. A girl in a big poufy dress

18. A little boy in a tux

19. Siblings getting along

20. Hallmark cards

21. Sweet and sincere words

22. Birthday cake

23. Your favorite radio station already set when you get in your car

24. A really good song

25. Writing for the first time

26. A wonderful play

27. A park

28. A good teacher

29. A fire drill on a sunny day

30. The last day of classes

31. A friendly face in an unknown place

32. Getting the “romantic butterflies”

33. Getting over the flu

34. Earning respect

35. Good news from a doctor

36. A phone call from a long lost friend

37. Laughing

38. Making the honor roll

39. Good hard-earned grades

40. Seeing old teachers

41. Traveling

42. Pictures from a vacation

43. Learning about life one day at a time

44. Finding yourself

45. Finding an idol (not the American Idol)

46. Playing dress up with your younger siblings

47. Watching a loved child sleep

48. A movie that the whole family can enjoy together

49. A mother’s smell

50. A fathers hands holding you so tight it hurts but you don’t say anything because you love him so much, you never want that moment to end

51. Touching velvet

52. Flowers

53. Sunday breakfast made by your mom or dad

54. Surprising your parents

55. A leather massage chair

56. A quality teacher

57. Finishing a paper

58. Old classic movies

59. A woman or man in uniform standing proud

60. Our American flag

61. Sending an E-card that you know will make recipient smile

62. Conquering a difficult class

63. Good news in the newspaper

64. Somebody picking up litter

65. A compliment

66. Seeing your parents hug and kiss

67. No family feuds

68. The sound and smell of unwrapping a chocolate bar

69. Being on your mom’s lap and hearing and feeling her heart beat like she was an angel sent from God to you

70. GIRLS NIGHT OUT

71. Pigging out on pizza and watching a chick flick

72. People who enjoy their careers

73. A stick of gum (not from the dentist)

74. Your brother and sister playing peacefully

75. Babysitting calm kids

76. Ask Amy in the newspaper when it’s Christmas time

77. Christmas

78. The feeling you get when you walk out of a holy place

79. Parent’s stories

80. Grandparents stories

81. Lullabies sung by your mom

82. The smell of old books

83. Daydreaming

84. An apology you deserve

85. A fad diet that people finally stop talking about it

86. The sound of crunching of fallen leaves when you step on them.

87. Accepting to be a bridesmaid or groomsman

88. A romantic movie when a significant other is with you

89. A summer rain

90. When President Bush got out of office

91. A true best friend

92. Classic and unforgettable quotes

93. A drink of ice water on a blistering hot summer day

94. A fire with your family sitting with you

95. Mistaking it to be an hour earlier than it is

96. Finishing a race

97. A reality TV show that does not make rich people’s lives better

98. Catching a fish

99. The moon hitting a lake at night

100. Knowing that once people read this blog, it’ll change their opinions of disabled people

Isn't happiness simple? Most of the above do not cost a cent. Happiness simply involves people.

Happy Passover! Happy Easter! May happiness and joy be with you!

All my Love,

Hannah!

Never Stop Dancing

I was all dressed up for a wonderful night of dancing and laughter. Phi Mu was having a Valentine's Day party at a local restaurant. I was so excited for a night with my sisters and to top it off, my new assistant who I already adored was coming. We had rode the bus there and were all going in the restaurant. There was a tiny little bump before the door, thinking nothing of it, I went straight ahead. I heard the bottom of my wheelchair hit the bump and then...click...my chair was dead. I knew it was the same problem as I had last month, my power source that is usually lit up was a horrendous dark gray. Needless to say, I was frustrated and disappointed. The first thing I said was, I still have to dance!

After about a half hour of looking for the switch, Annie, my assistant and I decided to stay positive and have fun. Annie got me on that dance floor and I used my fabulous body to dance instead of my wheels. We both subconsciously knew that telling people would be a downer so Annie acted as my joystick. At the end of the night, my DynaVox went dead which was inevitable since my wheelchair powers it. I did get a little frustrated but Annie made me an ABC page and I just thanked God it happened at the end of the night not the beginning.

My dad came with the replacement chair the very next morning. I had the freedom to move about but "conveniences" on my chair due to my independent lifestyle were gone. I don't like calling these next two things conveniences because able bodied people take them for granted much more than I do. The button that opens my door couldn't be transferred so we had to tape a garage door opener to my chair. Also, since the battery life on my DynaVox is incredibly short, I have a battery charger attached to my wheelchair; my replacement didn't have that which was incredibly frustrating. I was appropriately frustrated and irritated that week but I always reminded myself I never stopped dancing that initial night so I'm not going to stop "dancing" this week. Before I go on, I would like to point out that Aaron did send me yellow roses during my frustrating week and that made me quite happy.

I have had people disappoint me too.

I'll say it. I have had a crush on this guy for a long time. I mean, I really like this guy. When I like a guy, usually, it's me saying, he is cute, he is friendly, etc. This was different. I didn't really tell anybody which in my case usually means I really like this guy. I know, it's backwards. I finally asked him out to coffee. He excitedly agreed. We exchanged numbers. I waited for his call. He calls me and we setup a time. I am so excited. This guy is the whole package, he knows about disabilities, is Catholic, handsome and as I found out willing to help me to an extreme degree. We had coffee. It all changed. He was judgmental, self-centered, and very disappointing. I was insulted and felt judged. You know, judging me on my appearance is one thing but judging me on my values is hurtful. He also made it painfully clear that we would not date. I did not even ask if he was interested, he apparently felt the need to make that clear which just makes him a jerk. I was hurt. So much that I started crying on the way back, I started crying extremely hard. My neighbors all showed so much concern that they talked to me for a really long time and eventually my girlfriends came over and took me to a concert on campus. They told Annie to meet us there. Annie was going to get yet even more drama! I am the farthest away from composed. I am just crying. Meanwhile, Annie shows up and my girlfriends tell her why I'm a mess. Annie starts to feed me while the band started. I'm crying on and off. Well, the band was playing love songs which made me cry. Finally, Annie was like we have to go, this is torture. We go back and I start getting composed. My friends eventually came to my dorm with ice cream which helped. That was my second cup of ice cream that night (anybody blame me?). We put Glee on and it was the episode where they sang Lean On Me. Annie looked at me as if to say, hope you're connecting the message and I was.

I was still a little down when I went to bed but I knew I had friends who cared which is so important. I concluded that I have to unlearn everything that my peers taught me in high school. I learned that I was alone in high school and I could not rely on anybody my age to understand me. Now, it's reversed and also the way things should be.

Throughout this difficult month, I always kept my head up and I kept dancing because of my wicked inner strength or because of my amazing friends.

Keep Dancing,
Hannah!

P.S. Today is my mom's birthday, in honor this post is dedicated to her.

People That Have our Backs

It's been an interesting start to my year. Not necessarily bad but just really interesting. I'll start off with Mom dropping me off for J-term.

It didn't bother me that I was back at Elmhurst. I was actually quite nervous about starting class. See, I knew from the title-Virtual Travel in Germany that it would involve being on the computer. I have my laptop perfectly set up in my dorm and I didn't want to move it every day. So, I had the idea of partnering up with someone in class but I didn't know if the professor would let me which made me nervous. Also, I e-mail professors beforehand and explaining my disability and I find that it opens up dialogue so the professor can ask "uncomfortable" questions about my situation. The e-mails didn't sound promising which made me even more nervous. I mean, I was not looking forward to the next day which is unusual for me.

I am walking to class and I see an older gentleman heading into the classroom. He's the professor. Now, I am not ageist however, I find that older people cannot understand me as well. But he did know how to use e-mail and Black Board which is an online classroom. It comes in handy with me needing most papers scanned into my computer. Have an open mind, Hannah, I thought to myself. After that I roll into the classroom and I immediately scan for people I know...nobody...nobody...Coley! Coley is my sorority sister and someone I want to get to know. She makes room for me next to her. A little relief calms my body. I knew Coley understood my situation entirely. She completely stepped up and has been my lab partner ever since.

The class hasn't been easy. There is a four page assignment given out everyday which takes me approximately three hours and then a travel journal that takes one hour to complete. It's definitely been the most challenging class yet but I am getting A's on my quizzes which are everyday. As for the professor, I see him trying to understand and he does give me all the accommodations I need and for that I am grateful. Still, I am bothered by the fact that I can't really make him understand why I need things done a certain way. Needless to say, I was so grateful for Phi Mu and especially Coley. She has just been a life saver. This is what I wanted out of a sorority and being in the Greek community. Somebody always has your back. I know almost all of my note takers have been Greek and they don't necessarily have my letters but were there for each other. Speaking of having your back...

I have to confess that my wheelchair has been behaving badly. Real bad.

My physical therapist and I were walking back from the gym and the wheelchair goes completely dead. In the middle of the street. I mean the exact middle of the street. Are you kidding me? Really? I start laughing. You got to be kidding me! My therapist asks if this is ever happened before. No. No, Celine, it hasn't. My wheelchair has NEVER gone completely dead before. And I remind you, it's about oh, 20 degrees out so we're both freezing. Celine puts the chair in manual and starts pushing me towards my dorm. Celine successfully gets me almost to my dorm when we get to a little hill. Celine knew it was close to impossible to get a 450 pound chair up that stupid hill that I had thoughtlessly went up and down many times previously. Just as I was starting to get uncomfortably cold and by now, I am really scared. My independence was the chair. I knew which angle it had to be on to get through doorways, underneath my desk and so much more. So, I am panicking and finally a guy who recognizes me offers to help push me to my dorm. I thank him for his kindness. As soon as we got back, we started calling my parents, the technical support at the therapy clinic and of course, my wheelchair guy, Dave. After an hour of calling people, Dave said that he could drop by. You have to understand, Celine had already missed a client but she couldn't leave me stranded. Celine leaves but she did tell the Residence Life Coordinator about my predicament and to please let Dave in.

"Hannah, it's Christina, Dave is here." Thank God! My hero! Guess what? It took him oh, thirty seconds to fix my beloved wheelchair. I had hit a bump like I do every day but for some reason; it flipped the switch that turns off my wheelchair completely! It wasn't fun...at all. My mom, Celine and Dave all completely had my back.

Four days after that, as my assistant, Kim was putting me in my chair, my joystick was leaning against a bar and somehow it turned on and next thing I know I am across the room and my controller is tilted forward and my joystick is...mangled. I could still drive, thank God! I was barely conscious because I literally had just gotten out of bed. I am not in a good mood. And I decide that Kim was at fault. Because Kim would really do that on purpose. As the day progressed, I realize I was wrong to blame Kim and I did apologize. I felt really bad but Kim understood my frustration. Dave took a quick look at it Monday morning and he did help a lot but he is coming out this week.

So, maybe January hasn't been the smoothest month but people have been there for me which is what really matters. I mean, really, where would you be without the people who have your back?

Get ready for a Valentine's Day post that I think you will enjoy!

XOXO,

Hannah!