Hannah's College Adventures

Family Matters

2012-01-31T21:20:00.002-07:00

I am walking on the treadmill. Things are going well. My left hand hasn’t decided to fly off the handle yet and my body is pretty relaxed. I’m in a good rhythm which feels great when you have a body that does not always cooperate with your brain. In fact, it rarely cooperates. Good rhythm, good music, feel my heart beat. Dad is enjoying the game while I listen to Glee. After a few minutes, I feel it. My shoe lace comes undone. Dad is all too aware of this as my body stiffens to protect itself. Dad turns the treadmill off and has to go to the side. This makes me nervous because I feel most secure when someone is in back of me. Also, the handle bars on the treadmill position my hands vertically instead of horizontally. I feel more comfortable with horizontal bars because I feel more centered and in control. Dad goes to the side of the treadmill and quickly ties my shoe. My arms are tired from holding on so tight. Dad turns on the treadmill again and I am walking but not with that good rhythm I had three minutes ago. Five minutes later, I’ve reached one tenth of a mile .It is Success for the day. Dad reminds me that he expects me to do it again tomorrow. I already knew that.

My sister Genevieve and I are baking in the kitchen. By baking I mean I watch and she does everything. For twelve years old, she is amazing. I mean, this kid can cook! “Back up, I need to get in the oven” she says! I move. She remarks, “Ugh, I need you to move again”! I move. The third time I need to move Genevieve just grabs my joystick. Her requests are filled with dramatic tones and heavy sighs. To anybody else, this would look like Genevieve is mean when in reality, I enjoy it immensely. The way she treats me is the way that any sisters would treat each other. She calls me out on things most people would be scared to because of my disability. Oftentimes, I think she is the only person who truly treats me like I don’t have a disability. I love my sister for giving me a hard time. It sure keeps me grounded.

David, my brother got his license last week. While this may scare some of you, let me reassure you that he is a good driver. The day after he received his license, he took Genevieve and me to Starbucks which was a kind gesture on his part. After he got in the car, he asked me if we could make the trip longer by going to our high school. I was fine with that. It was only three blocks away and I am the first to understand the pleasure of newfound independence. After we got to the school, David doesn’t turn around. Instead, he decides to go to Baskin Robbins. No. No. No. We barely have Mom and Dad’s trust. Let’s enjoy it! We end up in the Baskin Robbins parking lot. I insist on calling our parents. I hear them say that I had the idea. When did I suggest this? I didn’t get angry, the feeling in the car was too happy. Dad said to go to Starbucks. I’m not surprised. We go to Starbucks and have a great time. Our first driving trip was a success and I can’t wait for the ones to come.

I have referenced this moment in a previous post but my mother knows me so well which I am thankful for. When one of my best friends, Julie was in the hospital, I had a week of stress and sadness. I didn’t know what was causing the incredible emotion. I called my mom crying for essentially no reason. She encouraged me to really think about why I was so emotional. Since I was so sad, I took her advice to heart. If you remember, I ended up going to Desiree and I was able to talk about how sad I was. It is incredible that my mother understands my emotions so well-even over the phone. In that light, she is my best friend.

I have always referred to my family as my rock. They support, love, and guide me through life. I hope I show them that family matters!

XOXO, Hannah!

My Last Christmas at Elmhurst

2011-12-19T18:35:00.003-07:00

I received one of the best gifts that Christmas can offer and that is to give back. I gave back to my community in a very unique way. I've talked about this Elmhurst College event before but this year I had a chance to put my heart and talent into Lessons and Carols. Lessons and Carols is a composition of music and readings of the story of Jesus’ birth. I have had the honor of reading from the Bible for this event for the past two years. In June (yes, I really mean six months ago), I e-mailed the Chaplain at Elmhurst and asked to please do a reflection during this service. Chaplain Scott agreed and I was thrilled. And then after a few months, a question loomed over me: what do I say? I thought about this quite a bit. What message was good enough? What did God want me to say to those many, many people including my family, great aunts and uncles, friends, therapists and neighbors from home? This was my family and my Elmhurst College family who are the most important people in the world to me. After much thought, reflection, and prayer, I came up with this.

When I was a little girl growing up, we would drive to the airport and there he would be; my grandfather would be at the airport with his Santa Claus hat on ready to hug me. It is probably the fondest memory of childhood I have. Seeing my grandfather who we called Pops, ceased the anticipation of Christmas time. It was here! I got that warm, fuzzy feeling because I knew everything was OK because it was Christmas. We would bake cookies with Nana, and Pops would act like he was not interested but twenty minutes later he somehow became the king of the kitchen. Pops died in 2006 right before Thanksgiving. His untimely death caused for a very difficult Christmas. I didn’t feel that rush of goodness throughout my body despite my best efforts. The man, who had caused the anticipation of Christmas to end, was now with Christ in heaven. It was not fair to me or my family. The next Christmas, 2007 was better but certainly still melancholy. I did not have that rush of goodness like I did when Pops was with us.

In 2008, I saw that this event lessons and carols was happening and I decided to go. After I walked out of this very chapel, I got that rush of goodness back. It felt like a part of me that was missing for those two years had finally returned. I got that warm, fuzzy feeling back instead of feeling chilled like I had been feeling for the past two Christmases. Many of you know me well enough to know that when I like something, I get involved. I have been a reader for this service for the past two years and have the honor of reflecting with you today which I thank Reverend Scott and Chaplain Kevin for. This service brought the anticipation of advent back. This is a priceless feeling. We wait for so much in life. Whether it is for a loved one to get well, for soldiers to return home, or for a sign that the season of advent has begun, God makes it worth the wait, and He tends to have a discreet way of healing your heart. He led me to a service that filled my heart with what could only be known as the Christmas spirit. Needless to say, I still very much miss Pops especially at Christmas, but since I know exactly what I wait for each year, the waiting is not that hard and I don’t worry about feeling numb, because when each and every one of you light your candles at the end of mass it will fill my heart with joy, and I cannot thank you enough for that. God bless.

This is my last Christmas at Elmhurst so this was the beginning of bittersweet moments. I'm glad I had the opportunity to thank Elmhurst for four wonderful Christmases.

I hope you’re filled with the Christmas spirit like I am. I've been listening to Christmas music since Thanksgiving dinner ended and haven't stopped. I'm hoping that my family can make it to the church in Elmhurst that I got confirmed in and to see my precious godson on New Years. I wish you the merriest of Christmases, happiest of Hanukkahs, and a joyful Kwanzaa! And, of course a happy New Year!

Spread Some Joy,
Hannah!

P.S. Only 5-6 more posts of Hannah's College Adventures left...it is unbelievable!

Back to Basics

2011-11-30T19:38:00.003-07:00

Readers, I have shared intricate stories to you about my life. I know for some of you the way I do things is still a little foggy. Frankly, if you feel that way, I don't blame you. I want to focus on how I communicate this month so you can understand my daily life better. Recently, I sat down with future speech therapists at Northwestern University and answered their questions about what using a DynaVox feels like. The students had some good questions.

The first question was how do you keep people engaged while you prepare your messages?

This is an interesting question only because I don’t really have to keep people engaged. In some circumstances, I do let people do other things while I type which makes it less formal and awkward. I find that this doesn’t take away from the conversation or make me feel bad. In general, my family and friends know if they are going to talk to me whether in the coffee line or a serious conversation, they’re going to have to wait and have patience. Needless to say, I need patient and understanding people in my life.

The second question from the students was what do you do if someone ignores you or acts like they don't think you understand what's going on?

If someone ignores me it’s usually not on purpose. My assistant gets their attention and we have that conversation I want to have. If someone were to ignore me on purpose, well, they are just not going to be in my life and I probably wouldn’t think of the person again. Now, if my friend is running late for class and doesn’t stop to talk, it’s different; a conversation takes a good five minutes with me, it is OK. Also, if someone treats me like I don’t understand what’s going on; that is probably one of the most infuriating things I endure due to my disability. If the person has to be in my life for example, a professor, I will have several conversations with that person to get my point across. I know people such as my caregivers will help me with that person. If it is not a person I absolutely need in my life, I get away from them as fast as I can without being rude. I am a lady but they really don’t belong in my life, I have so many people that love me unconditionally and they deserve my energy, not the other way around. Although I have many loving people in my world, I always have room for more.

The third question was do you have any tricks you learned to put new people at ease?

The one trick that came to mind first is that if they seem nervous, I let them look at my screen. It's very funny because I can totally predict reactions. I always get, "look at that", and "that is so cool", or "technology is amazing", and my personal favorite, "your screen is pink". Those reactions do help break the ice. Sometimes, with kids it’s helpful to let them type in their name and understand what I have to do to speak. I also encourage other users to have empathy for the other person. They probably have never seen a device before, give them time to adjust.

I ended the Q&A on this note:

Honestly, my advice to users starting out would be to be patient. It can be frustrating and time consuming. I love being witty and sometimes my witty comments won’t make sense two minutes later which is frustrating but I still am going to be witty because it shows who I am as a person. Even though my professors understand that my comments take a while, and I’ll end up saying something that is not relevant to the conversation anymore, that is not a feeling I like. On the flip side, people have embraced how I communicate. I meet with a chaplain every week and we have grown close. So, one day he pointed out that every time I say, "it sucks", I giggle before I press the message button. Now, it is a cute thing I do. So, you can see it either way but I find that my habits using the DynaVox show people my personality. Essentially, it gives you freedom and lets other human beings understand just how crucial communication is, that is really a treat at the end of the day.

I did have my DynaVox break yesterday and I was immensely frustrated. It felt like someone put duct tape over my mouth. It was only for about 18 hours. Thankfully, my therapy clinic has an assistive technology department and they were able to get my voice back.

I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving and are welcoming the holiday season with warm hearts.

Love,
Hannah!

P.S. I am relieved and joyous that my friend Julie is home. She is still very much on the mend. Unfortunately, she cannot come back to school until the fall of 2012 which saddens me but when she does come back; she will be ready to take over the school in her own way!

Show Up to Life

2011-10-31T18:20:00.002-07:00

I met Julie on the first day of the semester. This painfully adorable freshman was my neighbor. I could see she had some sort of disability. I didn’t want to point that out first. Hey, we both have disabilities so we should be friends…turns me off like crazy! When we said goodbye, I told her if you ever need anything, my door is always open. Not 24 hours later there was a knock on my door. It was Julie…in tears! After letting her in, the crying didn’t stop. She was having trouble making friends and feeling like she was not fitting in. After that night, the knocks kept coming. I didn’t mind this whatsoever. She was having a hard time! This was the rare time that I could be the one giving and not receiving in a friendship. Over the course of our time together, I learned that Julie has Cystic Fibrosis (CF). I also learned that she did not let that stop her from doing anything! Julie made the Women’s Choir, had been Tracy in the musical Hairspray, we are so much alike! It was Monday of Columbus Day and I got a text from Julie saying that she was in the hospital. She assured me that everything was fine and it would be only a week. My immediate response was asking if I could come and visit. I visited Wednesday afternoon. I was not going to just say I’m your friend; I was going to show her. When I visited her brother, Kevin was with her. Kevin was not the first family member I met. I had met both of her parents, her sisters, and her older brother. I had managed to get involved in her life in a very short amount of time-I have that tendency. After one week, she was not back. I knew this was not good. It turns out that Julie needed a bilateral lung transplant. The transplant was successful. She is still on a breathing tube but is doing well. I’m not doing too well though. I was having a bad week this week, I was stressed, and just down which is not like me at all. My mom was starting to notice that something just wasn’t right. Later in the week, she asked me to really think about what really was wrong and to do something to make myself happy. Desiree, from Student Activities mentioned that she had her wedding pictures in her office. That would make me happy! After I said good-bye to my mother, I headed over to her office. With a big grin on her face, she asked how I was doing. I replied by saying “OK”. “It’s Julie, isn’t it?”Desiree asked. I started bawling. I miss her so much even though for the circumstances she is doing great. I had buried this problem under the stress of school and being busy. Trust me, the stress I’ve been under has been great and I have two tests, one oral report, and a paper due this week so my unusual mood could have been validated by just those two things but I miss Julie so much. I just want her back in my room giving me Crystal Light and talking about normal stuff. For now, I have to go on her Facebook page and ask her brothers questions about how she is. I’m glad I showed up to be her friend that Wednesday because it’s been a long month.

I can’t just have a sad story in this post! Come on…you know me better! My cousin Lauren, her husband Scott and my godson Will were coming to visit. After a lot of e-mails, we determined that it was too difficult to get me back home. Yeah right…like I was going to let that stop me! A week prior to when they were coming; I asked my assistant if she would drive me home. She said yes! We got up at 9:00, ate a quick breakfast and headed out. I should mention that all week I had been talking to my mom like I wasn’t coming. I was having so much fun with it! We get to my brother’s football game and I start screaming. They all came running and were so surprised to see me! Showing up was so much fun. It still brings a smile to my face thinking about it. We get the most out of life when we SHOW UP!!!

Another exciting thing that has happened this month is that I was one of the 50 students that won the Lincoln Academy Medallion. Northern Illinois State describes the honor very well when they say “Annually, an outstanding senior from each of the four-year degree-granting institutions of higher learning in Illinois is chosen to receive the prestigious Lincoln Academy Student Laureate Award. Lincoln Student Laureates are honored for their overall excellence in both curricular and co-curricular activities. The NIU Student Laureate should have an NIU grade point average of 3.5 or higher and should have demonstrated leadership in extra-curricular activities”. I will get to “represent the university and attend one of the most distinguished gatherings in the state, a special ceremony to be held in late early November in the House of Representatives of the Illinois State Capitol. Governor Pat Quinn (or a designee) will present each Student Laureate with a Lincoln Academy Medallion and a modest financial award. The ceremony will be followed by a luncheon” (niu.edu). This award has nothing to do with NIU; however they provide a very good description for a blogger who is very tired.

I have had a busy and fulfilling October. I couldn’t ask for more…well, except for Julie knocking at my door. Please pray or send good thoughts her way.

In Gratitude,

Hannah!

An Alumnae

2011-09-30T20:14:00.006-07:00

The word "alumnae" never meant anything to me until today. Last week, I got asked to speak at Glenbrook South High School. Today, I had the privilege of speaking to the entire school for the 50th anniversary. It was a complete honor.

I am here to tell you that you are so lucky to be in this auditorium today. If you are here today, it means that you are part of a community that is dedicated to your success. I stand here today as a personal testimony to the dedication and commitment the teachers and faculty have to their students. I graduated from Glenbrook South in 2008, and am now a senior at Elmhurst College. When I was a student here, I bonded with the staff. Although countless people and experiences helped me grow as an individual here, there are three specific moments that shaped me into a successful college student.

The first moment was when I realized Miss Susan Flickinger along with our outstanding special education department really thought I could attend college. With my circumstances, the thought of college was very abstract, never impossible, but very abstract. I didn’t know how it was going to look like. Miss Flickinger, Mrs. Kelly Lowery and Miss Julie Manning started talking about me going to college as if it was inevitable. Together, they shifted the gears in my brain to thinking “maybe I will go to college”, to “I will definitely go to college”, it’s just a matter of how. Just to give you an insight of how far that idea has taken me, I am on the Dean's list, in two academic honor societies, and am having the time of my life. Glenbrook South teachers are brilliant. Don’t just go to class, learn from them.

The second moment was when I made the speech team. Now, let’s be real when you think of a student on the speech team, you do not picture a student in a wheelchair using a computer to talk. Mr. Scott McDermott and Mr. Mark Maranto somehow saw a speaker. I am eternally grateful for their insight. I won at several tournaments and now my major is communication studies. I want to become a motivational speaker with my degree. I am here to tell you that this would not be a reality if Mr. McDermott and Mr. Maranto had not believed in me. They had to go out of their way to have a student like me on the speech team. Let your coaches be your inspiration to be better people. Mr. McDermott always said, “be brilliant”, I use that phrase every day now and it’s been four years since I was on the team.

The third moment was when Mr. Wegley personally e-mailed me and said I want your feedback on how we can integrate students in special education with the students who are in regular education. That e-mail said a whole lot more to me as a student. It said I value your opinion, I value what talents you possess, and I value you as a person. We had one meeting; it turned into two which turned into regular meetings. That relationship which was not necessary at all turned into a relationship with Dr. Shellard. My relationship with Dr. Shellard would be best summed up by him stalking me in the hallways asking me to do the Variety Show. Good times and very late nights! These two incredible men showed me how to be a good and effective leader, That is an invaluable lesson.

Reflecting on my time here, I stand in incredible gratitude for what GBS did for me. They are genuinely here for the students. Take advantage of that. Take advantage of a community who wakes up every morning just to serve you. Glenbrook South, thank you for the past, the present, and future.

I was incredibly humbled by this experience. The local newspaper wrote an article about this event and they were all too kind to me! You can see it by clicking on this link: http://glenview.suntimes.com/7904761-417/gbs-alumni-return-friday-for-50th-year-event.html. I finally understood the benefits and privileges of being an alumnae. I want to keep being considered a "distinguished alumnae" of my high school. To me, that means making choices that coincide with the values of Glenbrook South.

I have had a busy yet wonderful month. My speech for the American Pediatrics Association said Glenbrook South were definitely amazing highlights and I am deeply thankful for the opportunities.

Your Glenbrook South Alumnae,
Hannah!

Doing It For Judy

2011-08-29T18:08:00.008-07:00

My month has been filled with adventures. My family and I went to the Bahamas and had a magical time. Following that trip, I went to the different session of Camp Courage that I wrote about previously in the blog.

Like I said, my family went to the Bahamas. I think I speak for the whole entire family when I say swimming with the dolphins was the best part of the trip. These creatures are truly magnificent. I did get to hug, feed, and play with the dolphin. They provided a manual wheelchair with enormous rubber wheels so I could go in the water comfortably. Once I was in the water, my dad helped me kneel and hug the dolphin. I even got to kiss the dolphin! The dolphin was so strong yet friendly and incredibly playful. The rest of the vacation was spectacular but I think when my siblings and I look back on our vacations, we will remember Tony, the dolphin.

I got an ocean of emotional support when I announced that I couldn't go to my usual session at Camp Courage. Before I even report on how the different session went, I want to thank you for emotionally supporting me through that disappointment. I kind of feel weird going to sleep away camp at 21 but you all showed me that I should not be embarrassed. Thank you for that.

I arrived at the Courage Center parking lot and my family and I see two big vans. The vans are filled with campers anxious to go. It was interesting because they transferred, meaning the camp staff lifted campers from their wheelchairs into the van instead of having a van with a lift. I was able to sit comfortably due to keeping up with my physical therapy. When we got there, the campus looked almost identical to Camp Courage which was welcoming. We stayed in cabins with enormous pine trees surrounding us. The Camp consisted of day trips which were all fun.

One day we went to Itasca national park. We brought the camp's boat to the lake inside the park and went for a picturesque boat ride. After the boat ride, we got a chance to see the beginning of the Mississippi river. When we got there, most campers watched the water. That didn't satisfy my appetite whatsoever. After about thirty seconds of watching, I had to put my feet in. Come on, when was I coming back? Two of the camp staff proceeded to help take my shoes and braces off. After my feet were free, one of the camp staff carried me in the water. The water felt like ice made out of glass on my feet. It was wonderful and I had the satisfaction of knowing a little bit of Hannah Thompson would travel through the Mississippi! They carried me out of the water and got my shoes and braces on. The next few minutes confused me. All the other campers didn't want to dip their toes in the Mississippi. Why? I didn’t understand. Watching water is lovely but experiencing it was so much better and its part of living. This feeling also occurred when Katherine and I were the only campers who wanted to ride the roller coasters at the state fair.

A significant part of my camp experience is getting to know other people with disabilities which brings me to Judy. Judy was 63 and had Cerebral Palsy which is my disability too. At first glance, she was not the most attractive woman in her green Catholic Elder Care tee shirt and elastic jean shorts however, something made me want to be around her. I helped her tell the Camp staff how to feed her, I understood her because I was in the same exact position. She was just getting comfortable with the DynaVox which tugged at my heart strings and tear ducts. Most people her age can tell stories about the "good old days" whereas Judy struggled to communicate the simplest things. When I finally sat down with her and asked for advice, it devastated me. I was expecting her to say something to the effect of "reach for the stars" or "do your best"; instead I got "find a companion...get married". Judy explained that she was told never to marry because of her disability. I hurt inside for her. I couldn't imagine being told that. My mind then reeled with the limitations she had and I don't have, I'm in a sorority, two honor societies, and have a generally amazing life. She couldn't have that. So, all through this year, I have a new mantra: do it for Judy.

I have successfully entered my senior year of college. I can't believe it myself. It didn't come without the wheelchair completely dying as we were packing up the car. I have to acknowledge that my family was amazing during the time I was home-especially my younger sister Genevieve! My little sister helped a lot along with my younger brother. I plan to live each day to the fullest and still have time to plan ahead. I am so grateful for this experience so far and can't wait to live out the grand finale!

Unbelievable...9 more posts left!

Doing it for Judy,
Hannah!

A Glimpse of Success

2011-07-28T14:18:00.006-07:00

Honestly, I expected July to be a boring month. I'm home, its summer, not much can happen that is "blog worthy" or so I thought. I have had a glimpse of what my success could look like after college.

While driving to a speaking engagement, I got a phone call from the National Speakers Association. During the last week of school, I had applied for a $5,000 scholarship. I know, why add more stress to that week? I even questioned my sanity throughout that week. However, the craziness and stress of applying for that scholarship was worth it. I found out that I had won this month. I feel like I have had so many people believe in my ability to be a public speaker. This solidified everything that my high school speech coach did for me to my professor who encouraged me to apply. Elmhurst College is doing an article on me being a scholarship recipient which humbles me. The article will be published on their website. I'm just doing my best. What a blessing to be rewarded for it!

Another exciting thing happened this month! I became a published author! Chicago Special Parent published an article I wrote about daily life in college. I recognize that a great number of my readers have already celebrated this with me on Facebook but if you haven't read it and wish to, here is the link: http://www.chicagoparent.com/magazines/special-parent/2011-summer/in-our-shoes/student-with-cerebral-palsy-thrives-at-elmhurst-college

I've gotten an overwhelming amount of support in light of these achievements and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I have been feeling confused about life after college. I know I want to go to graduate school but I don't know what I want to study. It's frustrating because I know I want to be a motivational speaker but I feel like I have so many talents and interests that need to be catered to also. I have to choose the program that will help me the most, is tailored to my interests and unique skill set, and lets me incorporate service in to my life. I had a frank conversation with my parents and graduate school is definitely the best option but I have to use Elmhurst College to find the best grad school program. In addition to feeling confused, my movement disorders have been significantly more pronounced which is the epitome of frustrating in my life. The good part is that they are the same types of movements; the bad part is that they are more frequent which does not make my life easier. This type of roller coaster ride with my body has happened before and it will happen again. These two incredible events have forced me to see the bigger picture and have served as glimpses of success in my life after college.

Love,
Hannah!

P.S. I think it’s incredibly ironic that I got that call from the National Speakers Association while driving to a speaking engagement. I have to point that out.

The Beginning of the End

2011-06-27T11:30:00.003-07:00

I have been blessed enough to receive the MarianJoy Scholarship for four consecutive years. This was my last year receiving the scholarship. Tears came as I realized that it also meant my last year at Elmhurst. The scholarship committee asks all recipients prepare a speech upon receiving the scholarship. I delivered two heartfelt speeches to the scholarship committee and fellow recipients. I thought this was a good way to begin the end of Hannah's College Adventures.

This was a speech I delivered in 2009 right after completing freshman year.

It was countless hours of therapy. It was countless hours of my parents working with me on my exercises. It was my younger brother and sister going to therapy sessions. It was me learning how to use a communication device. It was me having the courage to say I can go to college. Those examples are just a few of the things that made me an independent young woman on August 25th, 2008, the day I started college. I went to college to learn academics but I ended up being educated by the tasks of my brand new life.

Education is a very broad term to me because of my lifestyle. Of course, it can be going to a classroom and taking notes. However, I have encountered education in different senses. I taught myself how to handle up to ten different women as my assistants. I learned not to call my mom if something goes wrong because she starts panicking. I learned that I have to be an active member on campus for everybody to feel comfortable around me. I learned that professors will not simply assign a note taker to me; I have to be the one to ask. I learned that you can recover from being turned away from a sorority, and three months later join the brand new sorority on campus; that felt good. I learned that family is the most important part of my life no matter where I am. I learned that there are ignorant people out there and as much as you hope and want to change those people, you cannot change them. I learned that there are some people who are understanding and accepting of differences and to focus on those people. I learned that when I am having a bad day, there will always be someone that I can turn to. I learned that when you succeed against the odds, it feels indescribably good and beautiful. Essentially, I learned that I have to teach myself how I as an individual with a physical impairment can have the freedom of independence. If I can say three words at the end of the day, I have succeeded for that day.

I may not be able to walk, talk, or eat by myself but if I can say I am independent, those three words, those daily obstacles will not seem to matter. In a world where everyone is so consumed with how they look, where they work, and what car they drive, if I can teach people that simply being independent for the day is an accomplishment, then every dollar that went into receiving my degree in communication will be worth it and if spreading this concept is what I do for the rest of my life as an motivational speaker I will be thrilled. I want to thank Marian joy for being a part of why I can say I am independent.

This was my final and last speech for MarianJoy.

As I stand here before you I am filled with gratitude. Going to college with a disability is the epitome of a challenge. You have to go to such great lengths and there have been a few days where I have thought to myself why am I doing this? On those days, I thought of tonight. I thought of the people here. I wanted to be here. You know, that call from the scholarship committee is always this feeling of I’m doing this well. To know I have done this well and to the best of my ability is reassuring to say the least. It’s always so nice to know that people in my shoes think I’m doing a good job.

This is my final year receiving this scholarship which is bittersweet. Receiving the scholarship has meant so much. I cannot put my gratitude into words. However, I am so excited for the first time recipients this evening. Each recipient is in for an incredible ride. As the seniors get ready to take a bow, they are just beginning their journeys as college students. That is so exciting to me! I remember the feeling of college being a mystery. Now it is my home. The journey in between consists of finding yourself, what you’re passionate about, and finding people who support your dream, whatever it may be. The thing about having a disability is that we have a unique perspective and because we have that, we have the power to challenge people. That is not what most young adults can say. For the last and final time here at MarianJoy, thank you to my family, they are truly heroic in the way they support me. I would like to give a warm thank you to my sponsors, Mr. and Mrs. Bruce and Joann Schurman. A final thank you to Marian joy for four years of faith in me, all I can say is thank you and God bless.

This brings me to the future...of the blog. I'll write about my personal future when I am ready. As for Hannah's College Adventures, the last post will be when I graduate from Elmhurst College. Don't worry! I will start a brand new blog. I have found a name for this brand new blog but it will be a secret until the new blog is launched. I have been thinking of the future of my blog since December. I love it too much not to put a lot of thought to my next blog.

On that note, I must reiterate how grateful I am for my readers...YOU!!! It started as a boring Saturday afternoon. It has become one of my rocks in the ocean of life and that is because of you.

In Gratitude,
Hannah!

A Sense of Success and Purpose

2011-05-30T18:34:00.007-07:00

This month marked two significant events throughout this year for me. First, my junior year of college came to a graceful end. Following that, Will, my cousin’s child got baptized and I became his godmother.

Ending classes and moving out of my dorm was easier this year. I was incredibly worn out from the work I produced for two semesters. It is not easy but I did get four A's and one B which I'm proud of. I had a great but difficult first semester on top of a stressful January term and then I succeeded second semester. It is a decision to succeed and I am constantly making that decision. The definition of success to me is when you see the goal and try your very best; just to try something is succeeding in life. You don't have to be first place; you simply have to try running. I don't care about you winning trophies or awards, I care about the effort, I care about the heart, and I care about you in every aspect of that race. If you are collapsing during the race, you're not considering your well-being and that's important! If you don't run the race well, it won't mean as much, I can guarantee that! If the race is for others, or your resume, or something else, you won't truly succeed. Trying your best is succeeding. When you truly succeed, you feel it in your bones and your heart.

You can also feel your heart exploding when a baby is in your arms. William James Endres was placed into my lap and I immediately fell in love. This baby is my godson and he has already brought so much joy to my life. The weekend was consumed with our love for this little bundle of joy. When I was up there witnessing the baptism, I felt such an honor because out of everyone they could of chose, they chose me. They could have chosen anyone but I was their choice. It gave me another sense of purpose in this short life. I am grateful for the honor and privilege of being a godmother.

I was also blessed enough to speak at two schools this month. One school needed questions answered about college for students with special needs and the other school had a bullying issue that needed to be stopped by Hannah Thompson. I spoke to the special education students about the trials and triumphs of college life. I forgot how it felt to have college be a mystery instead of a home. They reminded me of why I go to college and that is to pave the way for others; I did not go to college simply for myself. I did it for kids like Rachel and Hannah who were the primary students I spoke to. They have a world of unique possibilities before them. I didn't go to say, "I did it", I went to make their lives easier. I make sure when I do big things, I do not do them solely for myself. I have the opportunity to make lives easier just by showing up for class. Who gets that? Who on earth is lucky enough to have that power? How could I not say I'm tremendously blessed?

When I spoke to the school about bullying, I ended with this: Each and every one of you has a light that will help the world shine. And that starts with not bullying other people because they happen to be different. I know you don’t want to dim the light of another person because then the world isn’t as bright as it could be. That would be such a sad thing.

After the speech, my sister attended a party with these same kids and I was in the car. They ran up to me like I was a rock star. I had an incredible sense of validation. I had touched these young children. That is why I know God wants me to be a motivational speaker. I feel a sense of success and purpose when I am in front of an audience. It's my place as a citizen of this earth.

When I say "God", what do I mean? I mean God, Brahman, Allah, Buddha, Yahweh, Krishna, or simply the feeling you have when you succeed or have a sense of purpose.

Journeys That Make up Life

2011-04-30T17:25:00.003-07:00

If you think about it, we take an extraordinary amount of journeys throughout the course of our lives. I have chosen to participate in three journeys recently.

It was a year ago that I really took an interest in my faith. During the beginning of that year, I thought about getting confirmed in the Catholic Church. I wanted to do it because I saw that this community was supporting me and any community who chooses to support me is a community worth my time. I started going to Catholic Students Association at the beginning of this year and I loved it. In December, I asked the Co-Chaplin of Elmhurst College, Kevin if he could help me with the process of confirmation. Well, Kevin personally took it on. After eight weeks of meeting once a week and creating an acquaintanceship with the local church, I was confirmed April 23rd! It was such a joy! In the process, I have become extremely close to Kevin. We were forced to talk about personal issues and share stories. I remember going to a meeting once during a particularly stressful week; after he asked how I was doing I started crying-the ugly cry. I felt so safe and comfortable with Kevin that I knew I was OK to break down. You all have to understand that Kevin opened up to me as much as I did so if I cry to someone, it means we have an equally open relationship. Kevin, along with my family, and two friends were standing by my side as Father Tony crossed my forehead with the oils. I was very proud of myself for finishing something that was just a small thought a year ago.

Another journey I've been actively participating in is one involving film. I had this idea to create a documentary way back freshmen year. I was starting to realize that my story had to be shared, certainly not bragged about but shared. Also, I was learning that some people had a very hazy vision of how I did things. I would use words and realize they were not enough. It was difficult to find a camera crew to say the least. I e-mailed twenty schools and explained my idea, only Columbia College was interested. The people that were interested are actually my parent’s friends. I am so grateful that they not only agreed to do it but are genuinely interested in sharing my story. So far, we have filmed a sorority meeting, class, and me getting out of bed along with interviews from friends and professors. Ultimately, the documentary will compliment my motivational speeches. This has been a dream come true!

The other journey I've been on is continuing the process of understanding how to be a good friend to others. The night of April 9th which was the night of my sorority formal was wonderful. I took Jimmy who is president of Alpha Sigma Phi and a true gentleman. He did not leave my side the entire night. I loved that he treated me like a complete lady and also walked me to the door just as his predecessor, Jeremy had done a year ago. Part of deciding to actively participate in a journey is sometimes as simple as being a good friend.

The thing about these three journeys that will and have contributed to enriching my life and happiness is that they probably do not apply to you. This is where you can think about what you have always wanted to do and MAKE IT HAPPEN! Nobody sat down with me and asked what two dreams I really wanted to accomplish this school year. I took the initiative! Yes, I recognize the fact that I am in college and have more free time and don’t have children to take care of. I get that you have kids, life partners, co-workers, and multiple other commitments and people to tend to but your dreams are still very important. So, if nothing else, take this post to remember how important YOUR dreams are and how dreams need attention to. Dreams are not just ideas to be stored away, they are for coming true!

Keeping You in my Dreams,
Hannah!

P.S. Camp! I have decided to go to a different session since I have slim to no chance of getting into my normal session. This session is about exploring the national parks of Minnesota so it should be very interesting with my ladylike personality but I still want to go since Camp serves for a time for rejuvenation more than anything. Most importantly, a huge thank you to my mother for moving the family vacation so I can go to Camp. That is not easy or something she wanted to do so I truly thank her for her never-ending selflessness.

Touching Hearts

2011-03-30T13:51:00.005-07:00

This past Friday I had the opportunity to touch hearts. Well, in all honesty, I want it to be my life's work. I had the privilege of speaking to first year medical students about patients with special needs at the Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago. This was part of my independent study which is all about building my portfolio as a public speaker. Deatra, the faculty advisor for my independent study was there along with my parents. I have such great respect for Deatra, otherwise known as Dr. Sullivan-Morgan. She has a physical disability and I've never had a professor or any authority figure with a disability so the experience has been amazing. Anyway, here is my speech to the first year medical students.

First, I want to thank RIC for making this possible. I think you are such an important group to understand what people with disabilities face. If you are not educated, then who is expected to be? You have a responsibility, in my eyes, because you work with people who expect you to understand. Before I dive in, I’ll tell you about myself. I am a junior at Elmhurst College and I am majoring in communication. My visit here is part of my independent study. As for my disability, I have athetoid cerebral palsy, and three different movement disorders, including dystonia. I’m going to talk about patients with special needs.

Special needs patients go to you, like average patients, essentially, when we’re having a crisis which is when we are pretty vulnerable. I am going to share my most recent trip to the doctor. I had a kidney stone in January and I was in a great deal of pain and I just wanted to feel relief. I was vulnerable because of several reasons. I was in a hospital bed, meaning that I could not use my DynaVox, which is my voice. Due to that fact, my parents were my voice which certainly is not the same as having my augmentative communication device. The second reason I was vulnerable was my family and I didn’t know what to expect. We did not know what worked and what did not. That was really hard for my family and me. The doctors did do their best to tell us what to expect however, looking back they could have had empathy. They could have asked specific questions about my condition even that would have made me feel better. That is why I started with this story; you’re going to be in many situations, not identical, but similar situations. I decided to focus on how you treat a caregiver, our everyday lives, and, the issue of privacy.

Most of the time, caregivers or parents will come to the doctor appointment. If it is a parent there, and the patient is a child or cognitively impaired adult, let them in because they need to know obviously. My parents still come and I don’t mind at all. However, in about five or six years, I may feel comfortable going to a doctor appointment with just a caregiver. Now, that is when you may have to ask the patient, if it’s OK for the caregiver to come in, or not. If not, that should absolutely be respected. What a doctor and a patient talk about is incredibly private. That shouldn’t be different whether the patient is able bodied or not. If the patient wants the caregiver to be in there, I have come up with general guidelines to follow. First, greet the patient before the caregiver. The patient is the one who requires your attention; the caregiver really should come second. I know from experience it is very annoying when doctors only would talk to my mom and dad. Even when it’s a young child, acknowledge them. But, do greet the caregiver after the patient. After you greet them and the appointment is moving along, you may want to ask if the patient had questions before they came to the appointment. If the patient uses a DynaVox or any augment communication system, they will probably have pre programmed questions ready for you. However, you may bring something up that solicits an impromptu question. You’re going to have to wait for the patient to type. We take a long time but we deserve our questions to be answered. Now, in this room, you’re nodding your heads like, of course I’ll wait, but if it’s a busy day and March madness is waiting for you at home, it is going to be so tempting to look to the caregiver and ask, what is he or she typing? Please don’t do that. It’s disrespectful and not respecting the patients independence. They worked hard to know how to use their devices, you’re their doctor, encourage their independence! On the flip side, the caregiver may have questions and that is appropriate. When you answer these questions, make sure when you answer your also looking at the patient. Caregivers or personal attendants do more than just go to the doctor with us.

I am going to talk about the role caregivers play in everyday life. It’s a fact, if Kim, my personal attendant Monday through Friday mornings, doesn’t come; I’m not going to get up out of bed, period. My personal attendants come for bedtime and mealtime. For mealtime, my assistants feed me. I cannot feed myself or give myself a drink. So, I’m incredibly dependent on my assistants. For bedtime, they take me to the bathroom, brush my teeth, apply my face wash, and put on my pajamas. Yes, it’s true, I cannot dress myself. They have to undo my bra, change my underwear, everything that, so called normal people take completely for granted. That is my next point, modesty.

I do not have an inch of modesty in my life. I need help showering, dressing, and anything that is personal care. I remember buying a couple of pair of underwear online. And of course, my assistant and I went to the mail room which is in our student union. My assistant wanted to open it up, like, oh sweetheart what did you get in the mail? I would not let her open it. She obviously understood my absolute panic when she saw what it was back in my dorm room. That is kind of the funny part of my story. The serious part of my story is I had to ask her to help me try them on. And, she of course was very respectful. But I couldn’t help but think, this is not what she woke up wanting to do but in the same breath, I would love to try my own underwear on. Modesty has a lot to do with privacy. I almost have no privacy. Let’s say I get a letter in the mail from my nana, and I want to put it someplace special and private, I can put it someplace private but another person is going to know where it is. This is where I find I have to force perspective on myself. My assistant is not going to go home and tell her boyfriend; Hannah got a letter from her nana today and put it in her jewelry box. No. It is not that interesting. And for my assistants, it is having a real, true respect for me so that we can have that trusting relationship. Now, being doctors, or almost doctors, it’s important to have trusting relationship with your patient. Now, you have probably heard that millions of times. But I’m going to go a little deeper and tell you, how. How to get that trusting relationship with patients. Respect. Being respectful of personal space, for example, if you want to get something out of a woman’s purse, ask first. May I open your purse? I highly advise you start with, may, because she can’t stop you. Of course you can, but get her permission. Same thing goes for men and wallets. If you ask, may I take that out of your purse, it has a completely different feel to it. Respect is everything.

At this point in the presentation, you must be wondering if I think all of this is worth it. The answer day in and day out is, absolutely without a doubt. Yes, it gets tiresome and hard but life is never boring. There is always something going on to thoroughly keep me motivated and laughing. And that is the best part of this life I choose to live. I have an incredible amount of independence. I have learned how to really and truly advocate for myself. I have made mistakes and have quickly learned from them. I get an education. I get the privilege of getting a degree. I think so many of us take going to college for granted and in no way am I saying, I wake up in the morning and just cannot wait to get to class, my first thought usually is, I want to sleep more. However, I do realize that I am incredibly blessed to be physically and cognitively able to attend college classes. And also, I have the opportunity to make friends. I didn’t really have friends before college, and now I have so many thoughtful and incredible friends that I could not imagine my life without. My life, it pretty much fits the definition of impossible and I love it!

Patients with special needs won’t see you every day. You’re our doctor, we want to come to you in our most vulnerable moments and when we want to know how we are doing. In vulnerable moments, we want empathy and understanding, when we’re in your office, we want your patience, and we also want you to understand that we deserve privacy too. I would like to thank RIC again for your time and I would love some questions.

I hope you enjoyed reading that. It was a thrill to present!

Unfortunately, I must end on a negative note which I hate doing in a post. I have received notice that I am on the waiting list for my beloved Camp Courage. I am number 16. I literally feel sick to my stomach at the idea of not going. See, they usually offer three adult sessions and due to financial reasons they only have one adult session. My heart is breaking as I write this. I'm literally on the verge of tears. I need Camp Courage in so many ways. It gives me hope and energy to live in an able bodied world. Readers, I try not to ask for much from you but I would appreciate it if you could say a little prayer or simply keep me in your thoughts. Thank you.

The presentation and Camp have one thing in common and that is the opportunity to touch people. That is all I want to do in this life. Touch hearts...

XOXO,
Hannah!

Sisterhood Reflections

2011-02-22T21:29:00.004-07:00

I feel like it was only yesterday that I had my pink argyle sweater on rolling to the Frick Center finding out I had received a bid from Phi Mu. It has made such an impact on me as a woman to be surrounded by women who have the same values and have surprisingly had bad life experiences but go through life with a smile on their faces. Oftentimes, I think Phi Mu gets overlooked throughout the blog because I take it for granted and the truth is I should not take anything for granted.

I remember our recruitment process. It was an interview and two parties. I became emotionally attached to the women as I participated in each event. I felt like this could be home. Well, they felt that way too! On February 13th, 2009, I was offered a bid and of course I accepted the bid. I remember feeling welcomed by my peers for the first time in my entire life.

As a member, I go to the sisterhood retreats, the spring formal, and now, I can honestly say I have girlfriends.

At the sisterhood retreat, you have to understand that the house we stay at is not wheelchair accessible. You would think I do not feel accepted, welcomed, or decide just not to go. No. That is not what happens at all. See, my sister’s help walk me in the house, sit me down on the couch, and help me throughout the night. I do take my assistant with me and I remember one assistant saying, my job sure is easy when your sisters are there. I thought to myself, boy, something is amazing about what she just said. Anyway, I am not in my wheelchair when I am at the retreat. You must be asking how does she participate in the activities. Well, first off everything they can bring to me, they do. I was able to see the little sisters open their gifts from their big sisters, be a part of the candle pass, and I am definitely included in everything. I remember Dana a close friend, made me squeal so loud at the most recent retreat that everybody stopped with what they were doing all thinking to themselves, what the heck is up with Hannah? Then everybody realized Dana had just made me excited and they understand that when I get excited that is how I react. They think it’s cute and the fact that they think part of my disability is cute is a validation that they truly love me for who I am which is the greatest feeling in the world. I feel incredibly accepted and welcomed by my sisters on those special nights. Also, as a proud and active member, I have the privilege of going to the annual spring formal.

I am such a girly girl if you haven’t noticed. Since am a girly girl, put me in an evening gown and I am happy. Put me in an evening gown and with women I love, its pure bliss. The girls wholeheartedly expect me to dance the whole night and I of course do! But I remember at my prom, nobody really wanted to dance with the kid in the wheelchair and it was heartbreaking. I would come home from dances and be satisfied with my experience but something was always missing. The thing that was missing was friends. I didn’t have anyone to enjoy the dances with. Now that I joined Phi Mu that has changed drastically. I have girls who want to take a picture with me and will proudly display it on their Facebook page the next day. These girls also genuinely want to dance with me. They do not dance with the girl in the wheelchair because it looks charitable. They dance with me because they love my spirit on the dance floor. I love these girls because they not only dance with me for the fun of it; they also value me as a girlfriend.

When we have sisterhood nights, I feel so normal which is not a familiar feeling to me. When we have nights of bonding, it usually involves going to the movies, going to dinner, or just renting a room in the Frick Center and making crafts. My sisters talk to me like everyone else; I don’t get talked down to based on my physical appearance. One sister in particular comes to mind when I say sisterhood. That sister is Samantha. She was there from the beginning. Samantha led our chapter for the first semester. Samantha took the time to get to know every girl in the chapter and she did not leave me out. She came to my dorm room frequently, had lunch with me frequently, she gave me someone who I wanted to be like. This was really the first woman in Phi Mu that I truly connected with. Although she moved back to Alabama we still are incredibly close. She actually visited me this summer.

Speaking of moments, I will never forget a moment that occurred at one of the many sisterhood retreats we had. I asked my assistant to stand me up and we happened to be by the banister in the house. Since I have done physical therapy since I was six months old and learned how to stand at a grab bar, my hands naturally grabbed the banister in the house and I was standing pretty much on my own. That was such a proud moment for me. I wanted to capture the moment by taking a photo. I communicated to my assistant to grab a few of my sisters and have them stand with me as I held on to the banister. They were behind me and I was standing with my sisters. One sister did put her hand on my back because I was moving a lot because of how excited I was. I thought to myself, I can celebrate my physical accomplishments with these girls which has not happened before. Usually, it’s my family I celebrate with but that night I celebrated with my sisters.

This past Sunday, we had our meeting like usual but it was pouring down rain and I thought to myself, I don't want to walk in the rain. I have a neighbor who is a Phi Mu and I asked her to walk with me so I could have an umbrella and we ended up having so much fun. The umbrella kept flying out of Jackie's hands and I was laughing so hard. On the way out, a sister caught up with us and I suddenly have two umbrellas over me and it was the greatest feeling in the world.

My Phi Mu sisters have been such a blessing. They don’t have to help me walk into the house where the sisterhood retreat is, they don’t have to bring everything possible to me at the retreats, they don’t have to dance with me at the formals, but they do. That is why I love them with all my heart. The one thing they fail to do is, see me as the girl in the wheelchair. I’m just Hannah to the amazing women of Phi Mu, and I can tell that it is always going to be that way, no matter what.

With this being said, I'm done talking and reflecting about how high school and how bad it was. A dear, dear friend who recently reentered my life made me realize this. This change is not going to happen overnight but this post is reflective of a changed mindset which is focused on sisterhood.

Before I move on, I want to thank each and every sister for being a cause for distraction from the difficult parts of life. Life has simply been better because I have you in it. I love how you are always watching out in some way for me on campus.

Before I end this post, I have two accomplishments I have to share. I did make the Dean's List and my parents were incredibly proud. When I make my parents proud, I know I have done something truly great. Also, I found out that Gamma Sigma Alpha, a national Greek academic society has accepted me. You had to have a 3.75 GPA or get a 4.0 GPA for one of your junior or senior semesters which happened last semester for me. I had both requirements! I don't usually like to put "tangible" accomplishments in my blog however, I want to inspire my readers to as cheesy as it sounds go for the gold and succeed in their own ways.

A True Phi Mu,

Hannah!

Taking Cerebral Palsy to the Hospital

2011-01-30T12:21:00.002-07:00

Oh! Dear God! Dear God! It hurt. It hurt. My parents had just dropped me off because it was Sunday and class was Monday .With clammy hands I dialed Mom. It hadn't been two minutes before that we completed our nightly call. I had had a stomachache throughout the day but felt fine in the late afternoon. On the phone, I screamed in pain multiple times. This was pain I had never experienced before and knew something was wrong. My dad finally came and took me home. On the way home, I wanted to go to the hospital but Dad suggested I lie down first. Fine. I get home and my parents put me in the bedroom closest to them. I was vomiting all night. I also asked to go to the hospital but my parents did not take me. You have to understand that because I have Cerebral Palsy and involuntary movements; the ER can be incredibly difficult. My parents did have a point but I was the last person who wanted to validate it at 3 a.m. vomiting. Throughout the night, I would try to find positions to ease the staggering pain but nothing sufficed. It was constant pain and I could not do anything-that's how I knew it could not possibly be the flu. I felt like my right side was going to break because of the never-ending pain.

On Monday morning, my parents had called the doctor. The pain was better but still very much apparent. I went to the doctor and he felt my stomach. It hurt in all the right places for it to be a kidney stone, gallbladder, or appendicitis. I was sent straight to get a CT. Lying still proved to be difficult but manageable. From the CT, we found out I had a kidney stone!

After we found out about my 6 by 4 millimeter kidney stone, we had a decision to make. We could go home and schedule the surgery or be admitted that night, I was all for staying at that hospital. The night before could of been equated to the worst night of my life and I didn't want a repeat. One hour later, I was in a hospital room. My dad had been with me the entire day so Mom came and took over. I should mention that our doctor was brilliant enough to send me to the pediatric floor due to the staff being more open minded and they sure were. I met possibly the best nurse in the entire world. She was very understanding about certain issues that I had. For instance, I have a very difficult time going to the bathroom in the middle of the night so Mom asked that fluids be minimal until the morning. She understood the situation and made it possible. I was all settled by 6:30. I was in the bed, comfortable, and on morphine every hour and 45 minutes. 6:30 on a Monday? I quickly remembered The Bachelor was on. My dad wouldn't even watch it but a girl cannot miss her favorite show. Johanna, my nurse was no stranger to the Bachelor. As she was putting my IV in, she watched it with me. She was great at reading my nonverbal cues which was a blessing! All day I had had no appetite, however when the nurse gave me chocolate ice cream to help with the pill I needed to take, that chocolate ice cream was heaven especially knowing I couldn't have anything after midnight.

On Tuesday morning, I woke up to Johanna introducing me to my next nurse who paled in comparison. The doctor came in and told me what would happen during surgery. When the physician’s assistant came in and said, we're ready, etc. I got a little scared. This is when I thought, do they know about CP? Movement disorders? All those thoughts went into my head like a bed of nails. I did start to cry a little but at the same time, I wanted this thing out of me!

I could barely keep my eyes open after surgery. Between the drugs and lack of sleep, opening my eyes was a feat. They had put a stent in so everything would move correctly. When I went home, the stent was incredibly painful which they had neglected to tell us so I basically was bed ridden. I was on incredibly strong pain killers which made me exhausted. I didn't have my sense of humor; I would say Hannah disappeared for a week!

After a week had gone by, I had a mini surgery where they removed the stent. After 7 days, I finally felt normal. I cried with joy. Feeling normal had never felt so good. Reflecting back, I agree with my parents decision not to take me to the ER. It would have been more difficult than what we ultimately did. Bringing Cerebral Palsy to the hospital was hard enough, we didn’t have to make it more difficult!

It was the next Monday. My stent was out and I felt normal. I found myself in my dormitory lounge watching The Bachelor; my only concern was that it had a tremendous amount of homework. It was my normal routine and I had a new appreciation for it. I’m incredibly blessed to not have ongoing medical issues. I was in the right place this Monday!

Before I wrap up, I do have joyous news. Just today, my godson was born. His name is William James Endres. It is my cousin, Lauren and her husband Scott's son. I know everybody says they will make great parents but it is the epitome of truth for this couple. I couldn't be more thrilled and our family is simply ecstatic!

As for me, I start spring semester tomorrow. This semester will include my independent study and a lot of adventures, of course!

All My Love,

Hannah

The 12 Gifts of Christmas

2010-12-15T15:13:00.003-07:00

I have already opened so many Christmas gifts. I have been so blessed this holiday season. I've decided to do my own version on the 12 Days of Christmas. This idea was inspired by a sermon I heard at the beginning of December.

The Twelve Gifts of Christmas

My first gift was the fact that Mom, Dad, and my former physical therapist, Jodi all came to Lessons and Carols which is a Christmas service I read at. Seeing Jodi brought me to tears. Whenever I see someone from my past at Elmhurst College that helped me get to where I am now, it is a surreal feeling because they helped me live my dream. I can't even think of words to describe that feeling.

My second gift was that the school choir did a Christmas concert. I absolutely love Christmas music and something as simple as hearing my favorite Christmas tunes lives is a gift.

My third gift was picking out gifts for my friends and assistants. Part of the joy of this marvelous season is the satisfaction that comes with finding that perfect gift for someone. I know Christmas is not about the gifts however, giving gifts elates me.

My fourth gift is that I have worked extremely hard this semester in my academics and I am finding it is truly paying off. Since a significant part of my identity is being a student, it is such a great feeling.

My fifth gift was that a certain professor and I really bonded over the semester and she actually was the one who approved the independent study for next semester. And it was really funny because after our last class together she rushed off and I was a little confused because she had left without saying good-bye. The next morning I received an e-mail from her explaining that she had been late to a meeting and was looking forward to working with me next semester.

My sixth gift is actually quite the story. I decided to go to a fraternity's Christmas function. I was all ready and dolled up and looking forward to a great night. My assistant Jessie and I head out to the buses and the fraternity had not ordered buses with lifts. I felt my heart sink to my feet; I knew it was not good. When the fraternity men saw me, it took about two seconds to realize that we had a huge problem. They immediately called the bus company. They couldn't help us. They tried getting the Elmhurst College shuttles. The accessible shuttle doesn't work on weekends. They tried local taxis. Nothing. I did not end up going. However, the humanity displayed that night was a true gift.

My seventh gift would be having the privilege of helping a friend. My friend Danielle from Camp Courage recently lost her boyfriend. My heart has been with her through the six weeks that he was in hospice. It was emotionally draining to see a dear friend in so much pain but she is being so strong. It's unbelievable. As for her boyfriend, Cullen, I can tell you with great confidence that the world has lost an angel. So many people help me, it was nice to be the one helping not receiving.

My eighth gift is the fact that I have been able to grow so much in my faith. It really helps on difficult days to have that strong faith. I will admit, it's the end of a difficult semester and I am exhausted and my faith is incredibly helpful.

My ninth gift is that my technology has been working. KNOCK ON WOOD. Yes, everything has been working except for a few small things.

My tenth gift is that my dear friends who visited me this summer, Nicole and Joe, from Camp Courage GOT ENGAGED! I am beyond thrilled for them. They will make such a wonderful married couple and eventually family.

My eleventh gift is receiving a new title. My cousin Lauren and her husband Scott have asked me to be the baby's godmother. This is not only an honor and a privilege but a gift! I take this role extremely seriously and I cannot wait to hold my Godson.

My twelfth gift would definitely be everyone who is reading this blog. I don't think you can understand how much you keep me going. I am constantly thinking about the best way to act, how to handle a crisis, how to be a good friend, and how to be the best person I can be because I know so many people consider me to be a roll model which is a incredible compliment. For that, dear readers, I am eternally grateful. I did not expect my blog to be what it is. I really didn't. I am so thankful that it turned out to be what it is. When something completely exceeds your highest expectations, it is a true gift that Webster's dictionary does not have words for. I hope I have inspired, moved, and somehow touched your lives. I do not write for myself, I write for others.

Have a Blessed Holiday Season!

Merry Christmas and I will write to you in 2011,
Hannah!

P.S. For all the Christmas party guests, I am so excited

Tradition and Speaking Come Together

2010-11-22T17:53:00.003-07:00

I gave a speech tonight that touched many people. When I get an opportunity like the one I had tonight, words cannot express the way I feel when I give a speech. The College has a rich tradition in giving thanks and I absolutely love being an active member of traditions the college has. Here is the speech I gave tonight.

When I go home this Thanksgiving, I will have a mother and father who love me unconditionally, a brother and sister who are excelling in school and their extracurricular activities. My mother and father will enquire about my sorority, my grades, and other stuff that I care about. I have a family who not only listens but also cares very deeply about everything I do. I’m incredibly thankful for that fact alone, however, when I really thought about what I am really thankful for, I came to one conclusion. I’m thankful for being different. God made me different for a distinctive reason. I am still figuring out that reason which admittedly has its difficulties but the journey to finding out this answer has brought three glorious families to my life, and I have also had incredible moments due to being different.

I already told you about my most important family. My mother, father, brother and sister. My parents are the best parents God could of gave me. They push me to my greatest limits inspiring me to push myself everyday. However, more recently, I have realized that because I push myself so much at times, they have realized that they frequently need to remind me that I am not super woman. I honestly forget that at times. They have been brilliant enough to realize that their job is to have me look at what I really need to accomplish, whether it be that day, or in life. My brother and sister thankfully don’t see me as being different. When one of their friends asks, why is your older sister that way? They respond, because she is. It’s such a priceless moment for me because they speak the truth in that moment. My family and I have experienced humorous, sentimental, and some of the best family moments from me being different. . I would not trade those memories just so I could walk or talk, that is how I know God made me this way for a reason, God wants happiness for people and I do because of my differences. Now, I have a second family that I see once a year.

I go to a place called Camp Courage. It is a camp for people with disabilities. For that week, I feel completely normal because I look like everyone else. Everyone else is in wheelchairs, some use computers to talk, everybody moves differently like I do, and every single camper has also spilled an entire dinner on the floor because of uncontrolled movements. I am immersed in this world for seven days. I experience the feeling of rejuvenation and Camp is what keeps me going on difficult days where I feel a little bit too different. Like I said being different does have its difficulties, however, I have people who understand what it’s like which is a incredible blessing. So, I think God thought to himself, if I give this child hurtles to overcome, I better give her a good support system. And, He really did a great job because He knew that I needed to be at Elmhurst College, which is my third family.

The family I am with tonight is quite special. Being different at Elmhurst is not something that is frowned upon. It is encouraged and admired. I mean, I am on banners, you must like me. Nobody has seen my disability as an obstacle to get around, just a part of my life. At freshmen orientation, I was not the girl in the wheelchair, I was Hannah. Now, it is my junior year and I think I know just about everyone. Because I am different, when I attend events at the Mill Theater, they know exactly which seat I will be in, they know my favorite drink at the coffee bar, they know that I love pasta at the cafeteria, my classmates know which desk to move when I enter the classroom, and I could list hundreds of other things that people know about me because I stand out. With that being said, I would like to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you for embracing a woman for what God intended her to be. This Thanksgiving Day, I am thankful for being different. I will end with a Bible passage. It is from Ezre, 10 4, Rise up; this matter is in your hands. We will support you, so take courage and do it."

I kept this post short and sweet because I have a paper to finish, two research presentations to prepare for, three essays, two journals, and one speech to write. However, I had to write in my blog because I simply love what it has turned into. My readers mean the world to me.

God Bless. Happy Thanksgiving!

All My Love,
Hannah!

Getting Inside My Head

2010-10-31T18:05:00.006-07:00

First of all, my month was MUCH better. My wheelchair did not break, got my new computer, and everything else worked. I've been thanking God for that. One other thing (and I have many things) that I am thankful for in prayer is for thoughtful people in my life. And this is where my story for the month begins.

One of my assistants after much thought had to leave for the semester. I can only imagine what it must take to leave when a job has such a dependent nature. I really respect her for her decision. However, that did not make it easier on me. Eventually, I had to ask assistants to go above and beyond their call of duty which I do not like. Who is to blame? Nobody. It's the situation that will be a significant factor throughout my life. So, I did what I do when I need people. I prayed. I prayed for women to come into my life. In these prayers, I always say, if you bring them into my life, God, I will teach, inspire these people because I know they will reciprocate by their love and support. That is how my life works. With this comes instability.

I know when I say "instability", you think about possibly a broken family or something of that nature. Instability in my life happens when an assistant leaves me. I will admit to it being a somewhat rare occurrence but I always know it is a possibility. Because of this, I like a very rigid routine, familiar surroundings, same style of clothes, same genre of movies and music and the list goes on and on. I like knowing everything I can about the day, week, or month. Some people find this odd and I don't blame them. However, they don't have that voice in their heads saying, "she could leave". I know I am in the drivers seat of life and that will never change, however, I have to recognize the possibility. This particular story ends very well. A former assistant of mine had to leave in January because she was going to have a baby. When she saw my Facebook status saying that I needed assistants, she wanted to come back. I absolutely rejoiced in the fact that Mom and I did not have to train her, she could just jump back on!

Now that I have told you my story for the month, I have some anecdote...

At the homecoming formal, my assistant brought her boyfriend. It took me about one minute to realize what a gentleman he is. He put my assistant and I first the whole night. One of the most memorable moments was when he asked me to slow dance. He was being polite in asking and I appreciated it. He had been a counselor at a camp for people with disabilities so he felt comfortable taking me out of my wheelchair which was awesome. I can't really stand without my orthotics so he had to lift me. So, were dancing and my assistant is taking pictures and everybody who saw us was going how cute! Throughout the dance, he kept "heaving" me up like you would a toddler. Well, whenever I went up so did that dress! In the middle of the song, I give my assistant the "oh my God" look. It took her about a second to realize that this cute moment was quickly becoming a really inappropriate scene. She starts pulling the dress down and we safely got me in my chair without many people noticing! They apologized profusely but I was like hey, makes for a great story!

That night was Phi Mu's Halloween party. A sorority sister and I were talking about how excited we were and she starts asking me about my disability. She had some appropriate questions and I happily answered them. I will not disclose what we said because if you have a question, facebook, e-mail, or just talking works for me. Anyway, at the end of the conversation, she admitted to never asking because I was "just Hannah" to her. To me, that is like saying I love you times one million. It means you love me and you will take the junk that comes with. However, actions speak louder than words. That night, my friends especially the guys danced with me like they would any other girl. It was this rush of normalcy that I am usually deprived of. The dancing was wonderful but what was most exciting was the respect they showed me. That gave me confidence that I was portraying myself the way I wanted to which is so important in this day and age.

Before I wrap up, I have academic news to deliver. I had asked my advisor about an independent study. I wanted her to approve it immensely and also be the faculty advisor for the study. Her exact words were, I wasn't going to say yes but it's such a good idea that I have to say yes. I'm guessing that does not happen very often. My idea? It will be in the January 2011 post or, of course just ask me about it! In addition to that, I picked up an intercultural studies minor which is exciting! Oh, and a long, long time ago I mentioned a secret project I'm doing with Roger, a faculty member here, that is underway! I don't want to announce it in the blog until I know every detail. Of course, if you're super curious, just ask!

After getting inside my head and seeing which thoughts are important to me, now, I must pose the question: who do you need to hear the thoughts of? Your spouse? Your child? Your friend? Your sibling? Think about it!

Signing off as,
Just Hannah!

P.S. Happy Halloween!

Hope and Faith

2010-09-28T19:57:00.005-07:00

Hope is the parent of faith. -Cyrus A. Bartol

My automatic door broke.
My computer broke.
My wheelchair broke.
My parents got me a new computer.
It is not compatible with my adaptive keyboard.
My wheelchair broke again.
My joystick fell off.

As you can see, it has not been an easy month whatsoever. Life has really been testing me to say the very least.

When my automatic door broke, it was move in day. I could not get in and out of my room independently. Due to this, I had to be a commuter student the first two days of school. My parents were incredible at having a positive attitude towards getting me to Elmhurst before 9:30 for two days.

My computer does have many issues at the moment. We bought a new one after calling all my special software companies besides my keyboard company, Intellikeys. It will not be compatible with the new laptop until 2011, and no, they did not give us an exact date. We are working on downgrading the new laptop so it is compatible with my keyboard.

My wheelchair broke the first Friday night of school. The back of the seat had tilted back permanently. Although I knew it was a quick fix my dad could do, it still was incredibly annoying.

I was standing up in my wheelchair. When I sat back down, the chair decided to go as slow as molasses. No joke. It literally took me 15 minutes to get across the parking lot when it usually takes me 2 minutes! Just to emphasize how bad it was, nobody joked with me about it. See, it's one of my trademarks on campus that I am always speeding and leaving my assistants in the dust. It's become a part of my personality. I am always on the move, never stopping, I like it that way. Not any other way!

Finally, my joystick fell off. This is actually kind of humorous. I had gone to use the restroom, sat back down, and there goes my joystick. Clean break. No reason as to why. It was like a sitcom.

While this all was happening (or breaking, you can choose which word is more appropriate), Phi Mu was in the middle of recruitment. Recruitment is difficult for me. It is an extraordinary amount of time and I have to reschedule when my assistants come. It is quite taxing on me but totally seems worth it when we get the new girls. And may I say we got 22 fantastic women!

During this difficult month, I have turned to faith in the Lord. I remember praying one night and saying, you must be putting me through this for a really good reason. Usually, after a rough patch in my life, God puts a wonderful person in my life that reminds me, yes, tangible things broke but it's the people in your life that make life good and happy. I kept reminding myself, all the people I love are healthy and happy. That is what really matters. People. I wrote a poem in all of the chaos.

He Listens

I listen to Him.
He listens to me
The door cannot be opened.
He gives me a house.
A machine does not work.
He gives me people who have knowledge.
My tangible companion breaks.
He gives me a repair man.
I start getting down.
He brings people to give me hope.
I complain about being busy.
He reminds me that at one point I did not have a social calendar.
I get frustrated with family.
He lets me hear of a broken family.
I get impatient.
He gives me more people to teach.
I don’t feel heard.
He brings people that need to be listened to much more than me.
He listens to me.
I listen to Him.

I hope you get something out of this poem.

Now, you're probably wondering, did all her technology get fixed? Between my dad and faithful wheelchair repair man, I am sitting upright and have a joystick attached to my chair not using any duct tape. My computer will be fixed soon due to the efforts of one incredible tech guy at my wonderful college and my hard working mom. And yes, I am speedy Gonzalez once again! Due to this month's never-ending difficulties, I really did appreciate the small stuff.

During recruitment, we talked a lot about sisterhood. My "sisterhood moment" during recruitment was when the recruitment chair, Christina was passing out name tags. She was calling out names, instead of saying, "Hannah", she said, "somebody put this on Hannah" She thought ahead. Even though, she had a million and one things to think about, she didn't forget to think of what was easiest for me.

Another experience was truly awesome. I was invited to go to a dinner about interfaith and it was extremely formal, etc. A few days before this dinner, I realized my assistant couldn't come until an hour into the dinner. I had come to terms with this and told the hostess about the situation. When I sat down, I had two students on both sides. I made it known that my assistant was coming in an hour so nobody would feel awkward. The two girls would have nothing to do with that idea. They fed me the entire dinner! They just would not have me go without eating and I rejoiced privately in the good of humanity at that moment. The really good part is next! I found out that one of my girls (my assistants) cannot continue to work with me this semester. I am terribly sad and so is she about the situation. However, I have to find more girls due to this. Guess who I asked? Yup, the two girls at dinner! One of them will do dinner on Mondays and the other is thinking about next semester. See! I told you God is watching out for me.

Even in the most frustrating times, I choose to see hope. A significant part of that is thinking of you, my dear readers. I know you know me to be positive in the darkest circumstances and I always will because as long as I have an audience who cares, I will perform to the best of my ability.

Have Hope and Faith,
Hannah!

The Value of Appreciation

2010-08-21T20:13:00.008-07:00

I fell in love with the resort right away! It had the grand staircase and everything looked so elegant. The resort was in San Diego and we were on a family vacation to San Diego and L.A. Here are my highlights...

Throughout my experience at the Loews resort, the staff never babied me. My parents let me go through the resort independently and the staff never blinked an eye. I didn't realize it then but I look back and I really appreciate how they saw me.

My assistant from school, Valerie lives in San Diego. You bet we got together! First, she took me to her house which was so cool-to really see her in her element. I think people shine the most when they are in their element and she sure did! My parents invited her to go jet skiing with our family and she took Genevieve jet skiing. It was fun to see my family see why I appreciated Valerie at school. I know I don't usually talk about food but Valerie introduced me to Carne Asada which is fries, cheese, guacamole and sour cream. Oh my God! It was so good! I mean it's a heart attack on a plate but unbelievably good.

While we were touring L.A., we went to both Warner Brothers and Universal studios. We got a private tour of the WB because I could not get on the bus which did not bother me at all. Before I go on, I should tell you that the show Gilmore Girls got me through high school in a way. The main character was a lot like me and I loved the wit used in the show. I actually got to be on the set of Gilmore Girls. I stood in front of the house and other landmarks in the show. I know this sounds cheesy but it was like coming to thank the show for getting me through a tough four years. And I cannot tell ya how glad I am that high school is OVER! For those of you who are still in high school, hold your head high and know that you are probably going to kick ass in college. It goes without saying that our tour guide stepped up and gave us a stellar tour, we really appreciated it!

I must tell this very interesting story before I go on. We went to Universal studios and obviously we have to do things the way disabled guests use which I do not mind. My family loves me for shorter lines at amusement parks! And, even though I'm 20 I still LOVE going up to the characters and they love girls in wheelchairs. So, throughout the day you pretty much see the same people who need special assistance at the park. My family and I had waited in line with a woman in a rental wheelchair and we all believed she was disabled. Until lunch. My dad sat down first and saw the woman get up and run around to help her kids. She was not disabled! At all. My family and I just kept staring. I wanted to say so many, many things. Oh....the things I wanted to say. My dad and siblings all just kept staring as if to say, we know what you're doing and it is horrendous. My mom gave her the "you should be ashamed" nod. This nod is awful and my dad still remembers the ONE time he got it. I still haven't gotten it and I never want to! We didn't confront them but we are sure that family knew that they were faking it and I hope it ruined their day.

I so appreciate my mother for planning vacations. She works hard all year to make this week perfect and it always is a blast!

When I got back from vacation, my cell phone broke. I smashed it up against my desk. I had a razor which worked well for me and my needs. That night, we got a Nokia phone. I was unhappy because it didn't seem like my phone. I didn't trust it which I know is weird to say but I know what my fingers are going to be comfortable using and this wasn't it. I looked online for a Razr. I found a Razr quickly which was great. However, I need a sturdy case because of how it attaches to my chair. Well, of course I found a case that looked identical to my old one. It wasn't. This case swivels. And swivels, and swivels and swivels! This is not good for someone who needs to have her phone as stable as humanly possible. When I realized this was a problem that my parents could not fix, I started crying. I couldn't use MY phone! All I kept thinking was: everybody else can just pick up a damn phone! Everyone else had a cool touch screen phone! I was so frustrated with the situation! I realize I don't say, "Everyone else can..." a lot but after waiting for a phone for 9 days and not having it work is extremely frustrating! I scoured the internet looking for just the right case and I found it! Hallelujah! I am up and running…16 days later!

All summer, I have been working at a place called Pathways. Pathways is my therapy clinic at home. When I work there, I work with DynaVox users and motivate them to use it as much as I do. This has turned into a highlight of my week. I also work with an young man on conversation skills which is very rewarding. Finally, I write for the newsletter. I interview clients and staff about what they do. This whole experience is quite rewarding. I appreciate them giving me work experience and will miss them. Thursday was my last day and now it’s time to go back to Elmhurst!

For me, this consists of Mom and me working out a schedule for the semester for my assistants. It can be incredibly stressful because everybody has a preferred day and it gets incredibly complicated. We are missing some times but we always find the right people and make it work.

The most nerve wracking aspect about going back to school is the anticipated stress. Things get extremely stressful and I know it's going to happen. For example, when my parents came to pick me up to bring me home last year, I was literally exhausted. I was crying, sweating and I needed Mom and Dad. However, I did visit campus with my assistant Valerie and seeing those people reminded me of how exhilarating it is to go at that pace and live my own life.

I couldn't do what I do without appreciation. I appreciate the people who tirelessly support me in my dreams. However, this whole thing would not work if I didn't appreciate myself. I find that if I take 30 seconds to reflect on what I did that day and how it fits into the big picture, I go about the rest of my day with a new energy and happier. If I didn't appreciate myself, I wouldn't have a smile on my face all the time, wouldn't be able to change the energy in a room and would not be as happy. I feel like society-women especially are told to appreciate what they have. First of all, let's charge what to whom. Appreciating who you have in your life is so much more worth our priceless time that we have so little of. In retrospect, we don't have much time on God's earth, make an effort to appreciate yourself so the world can see the best YOU possible! I know that’s my plan for junior year, who knows where the value of appreciation will take me!

Hitting The Books,

Hannah!